Category Archives: cheatin’ lyin’ fucks

Some Guy on Twitter says Cano, Granderson, Braun will receive PED Suspensions

Hell, I don’t know. I’ll go on record as saying I think Cano and especially Braun are probably users. Granderson I would be a little more surprised by.

I’m just glad that I don’t own any of these guys in my “big money” fantasy baseball leagues. Not a single one of them. So if this all comes to fruition I can watch the wreckage and laugh at it.

Take it with a grain of salt, and in the meantime follow this random Joe to watch him fend off attackers (@joebisceglie).

Ruh Roh Ryan

brauncheat

It would appear that Ryan Braun knew Anthony Bosch (Biogenisis Lab Guy) a little bit better than he led on:

The list was written in April, in the hand of Biogenesis of America clinic founder Anthony Bosch. Among the names is the Milwaukee Brewers’ Ryan Braun, and to the right of that name is a figure: $1,500.

That list, a source familiar with Bosch’s operation told “Outside the Lines,” indicates that those players received performance-enhancing drugs from Bosch, and owed him money. The document, one of dozens obtained by “Outside the Lines,” suggests a closer link to Bosch and the now-shuttered clinic he ran in Coral Gables, Fla., than Braun has acknowledged.

I used to think Ryan Braun was pretty nifty. At this point, he’s moving into A-Rod territory pretty quickly. I want this guy to go down and go down hard.

And if he’s innocent, I’ll worry about apologies later. $1500 is a lot of coin to pay for advice, though.

Image h/t: ESPN OTL

Davey Johnson’s comments confirm he is indeed; a red-assed individual

Not sure if you heard about the whole hullabaloo last night during the Rays-Nationals game in Washington. We had the game on live, and Joel Peralta had just strolled out to pitch the 8th inning in a game the Rays were up 5-4.

That’s when things got hairy. Davey Johnson had prior knowledge of Peralta doctoring his gloves with a foreign substance and had the home-plate umpire go out and shakedown Peralta. Peralta was found to be guilty and promptly ejected. And the poker game continued on into today with Johnson’s quotes, namely his thoughts on Rays manager Joe Maddon.

“I don’t know him that well, but I thought he was a weird wuss anyways.”

Listen to this guy. Calling people ‘weird’. Calling his fellow managers wussies. I love it.

You know what’s even better? We had someone sneak a hidden camera into the Nationals clubhouse a few weeks back. Here’s what we found:

I don’t know Davey Johnson all that well either, but I feel like we had him pegged spot-on a few weeks back when we called him a red ass and said that was the exact reason that we loved the guy.

I also imagine that there are a lot of normal people out there that Davey fails to find the color in and deems them as ‘weird’. He has the temperament of a grandpa that has missed his nap.

Still a Cocksucker

Jim Edmonds has signed a 1-year minor league deal with the St. Louis Cardinals.

At first I thought “no, this can’t be. It’s just got to be one of those deals where he’s going to sign on and retire in the Redbirds uniform as a nice little goodbye gesture on his way out. After all just days ago he was going to retire.

This just has a dirty feeling to it to be honest. It feels dirty because I actually genuinely pulled for him for a bit. We should have known better.

I feel so dirty. I need to get off work and go take a shower. One more reason to not like the Cardinals.

600 Home Runs for A-Rod. Moving on.

What they’re saying about A-Rod’s 600th Home Run – Hardball Talk
“Somehow, after everything, history is still history in baseball. Even stained. Even when the record book is filled with so many stains you think somebody has been spitting tobacco juice at it. Juice being the operative word.” – Mike Lupica

Our take, yes it is history, but albeit a very tainted aspect. The sexiest record in sports is now a story in which major news networks just want to go away as quietly as possible. Rodriguez probably would have got to 600 home runs with or without the help of steroids, right? The real mess comes if he can hang on long enough to chase down Barry Bonds. Then it really becomes a matchup of evil versus evil.

There’s so many angles you can take with this story, but I guess the one thing that will stick with us is the fact that no one cared about A-Rod’s pursuit of 600 two weeks ago, two days ago, and two days from now. That to me, as a baseball fan and blogger; is really astonishing in every way.

A Big Name Pitcher, PED's, and a 50-game suspension

It’s 4:20 but there’s speculation about a different type of drug use going around, and it’s a National League Pitcher who is the culprit.
I could not confirm the player’s identity, but my source tells me that it’s a “semi-big” name, though not a “huge” name. I imagine that, once the name is revealed, we’ll have more fun arguing about what being a “semi-big” player truly means than we will wondering why he was not a bigger name despite taking PEDs
Will Carroll tweeted that a suspension for the infraction is upcoming and will be of the 50-game variety. So it’s going to be a lengthy one.
Supposively it’s not a New York player.
The names we’ve heard thrown around: Arroyo, Harang (yea right, they said performance enhancing), Zambrano, Brad Penny, Chris Young (Padres, on the DL).
Our hunch is that it’s Chris Young of San Diego. Just a prediction. We’ll do a full post when something shakes out.

The Magic Bullet didn’t work for shit

In college, I’d come home from the bar in a highly inebriated state; and I’d flip on the television.

There was nothing worth a shit on at those hours, so usually I’d make due with whatever channel first came on the screen.

And I admit, there was slightly more then a half dozen times that I sat and watched this very info-mercial in absolute amazement. These people, happily gathered around their kitchen had my undivided attention (for about 20 minutes until I would pass out on my futon).

They were living the good life.

Look at the perfection of those smoothies. Those omelette’s. Those muffins. They were having the time of their life with their Magic Bullet.

How easy it would be to achieve that very same dream myself, I thought. I pictured myself becoming a world class chef, entertaining friends at my future home and in between games of jenga or taboo!

I remember not long after that I told my mother that I wanted nothing for Christmas but the Magic Bullet. Being the good mother that she was, she delivered in buying me the full set.

I had all the accessories, everything. All the shit that they used to reel you in with; it was now mine. It wouldn’t be long until I was making those smoothies.

One day at my new home I fired up my brand spankin‘ new Magic Bullet device. I was going to make some of that great fresh-looking salsa that those lying fucks created on their little commercial.

Things didn’t go as planned.

I liquefied the first tomato. Completely fucking shredded the shit. It was like V8 in a cup with the skin floating all over.

A friend suggested maybe I was doing it wrong.

I threw in another tomato. Liquefied again. This process continued until the entire bag of tomatoes were fucking shredded.

By this time, not only am I not entertaining my friends like a good little Suzy Home-maker that I aspired to be, but I was pissed off about the results the Magic Bullet had failed to yield and now being a complete and utter prick to everyone in my home.

Long story short, the piece of shit Magic Bullet still sits in the cupboard at my house.

It’s fucking useless, okay people? I don’t see the bullshit commercials on for it anymore, but it goes without saying that I pity the fool who is duped in to buying this piece of garbage.

Fuck you, Armen; you Croc-Hunter sounding piece of dick. You people waisted my mother’s hard earned money, and you wasted an entire bag of produce that I bought as well!

If I’d ever see that commercial all these years later pictured above I’ll tell you what I’d like to do. I’d like to climb through the television screen and fill their little blender with my yellow piss and serve it up to their house guests.

How’s that taste coming out of your bullshit bullet?

So the Reds are gonna slash payroll on us again?

Yesterday’s news brought the pleasant surprise that the Cincinnati Reds are again looking to slash payroll. And you know that we’re not going to be happy about this. Why? Because we remember when Bob Castellini took the role of the village idiot and declared that ‘the losing stops NOW!’

Lagging attendance figures are to blame for the Reds’ financial cutbacks. Price and Fletcher noted that attendance at the Great American Ballpark dropped by more than 15 percent from 2008 to 2009. General manager Walt Jocketty was quoted in the piece as saying, “We’re going to probably have less to spend this year than we have in the past…It just depends on how [ticket] sales go this offseason.”

If Cincinnati does make a deal, the likeliest candidates to be moved are second baseman Brandon Phillips (owed just under $7MM in 2010), and pitchers Aaron Harang ($12.5MM) and Bronson Arroyo ($12.25MM). Phillips, with his .452 slugging percentage over the last four seasons, is the most attractive candidate to other clubs given his power from the second base position and reasonable contract. Harang and Arroyo are both coming off decent years themselves, but Price and Fletcher speculate that their bigger contract numbers would require the Reds to absorb a chunk of their salaries if traded.

One star player who looks to be staying in Cincinnati is closer Francisco Cordero, who Price and Fletcher say the club “would prefer to keep” despite the $25MM he’s owed through 2011. A very intriguing trade chip could be young slugger Joey Votto, if the Reds wanted to make room for star prospect Yonder Alonso at first base. Another team could be convinced to take on a bad contract if it meant getting Votto, who isn’t eligible for free agency until after the 2013 season.

I wouldn’t trade Votto. There’s no guaruntee that Alonso is going to be the complete hitter that Votto is. I wouldn’t keep Cordero. Why would you prefer to keep him? You can find someone to do that job just as well in our own bullpen for a tenth of the price. There’s a lot of teams around the league who would sniff out Cordero if they knew he was available.

We’re going to rip the Reds all offseason on this. You want ticket sales? Spend some money up front and create some excitement instead of trotting out the same old shit for once.

You bet he did it

The story is big time news and it’s breaking. The Government has said Barry Bonds tested positive for steroids in November of 2001, just months after hitting his 73rd and single season record setting home run.

He’s not necessarily going to be grilled and sent to prison just yet:

“At trial, the government’s evidence will show that Bonds received steroids from Anderson in the period before the November 2001 positive drug test, and that evidence raises the inference that Anderson gave Bonds the steroids that caused him to test positive in November 2001,” U.S. Attorney Joseph Russoniello wrote.

So here is the feds spending all this money to bust these big time cheats, and they’re still walking around as free men. Not only that, but why are we just now hearing about a positive test that happened some 6+ years ago? Why was Bonds allowed as a free man to break Hank Aaron’s all-time record? This is a comical country we live in at times.

In case you’re wondering, Barry Bonds is still a free agent. We don’t forsee a situation in which Bonds ever gets another Major League at-bat. We also don’t think he cares at this point; as long as he’s not wearing prison orange.

Clemens' interview highlights big weekend in sports

We’re still a few weeks away from the season previews; but there is still baseball news. This weekend the 60 minutes Roger Clemens interview airs, on sunday night to be exact. This is sure to be a telling and detailed prophecy of the big leaguer’s rampant steroid use a flipping, flopping, writhering, squirming 20 minute segment.

Clemens will make the case that shot in his ass was B-12, not steroids. And I’ll tell you that Clemens is full of shit, and a liar. Brian Mcnamee says so.

Other than that whole fiasco, there’s a pretty big NBA game, if you’re into that. Most of all, the NFL Playoffs get started with the wildcard weekend.

Back for a recap of the Clemens interview sometime sunday night. Enjoy the weekend everyone.