It was a while back that we pointed to 10 cent beer night in Cleveland as a hallmark event that was evidence that Cleveland is the shithole of America. And I don’t care who I offended and I don’t care that many of my good friends and family members are Cleveland fans.
Here’s the latest nugget that proves Cleveland is full of shitty, bitter, crummy, scummy individuals. Poor Tanner Scheppers found out the hard way:
Rangers relief pitcher Tanner Scheppers was attacked Thursday night while getting food on a street in Cleveland.
According to Scheppers, “several young males” jumped and “sucker-punched” him.
Scheppers received a black eye and other minor injuries, and he did not make an appearance in Friday’s game against the Indians. The pitcher is also suffering from a headache.
Scheppers filed a report with police, but it’s doubtful that anyone will be caught. Police also told Scheppers that this “happens a lot.”
What a shame. Like, not just a shame that Scheppers got punched by one of the thousands of lowlifes that reside in “C-Town” but it’s really too bad that this story couldn’t be about one of those grumpy old prick ushers who works at Progressive Field getting what he’s had coming to him. That’s right. What he had coming to him since the day he kicked some innocent little kids out of the lower level for trying to get a close glimpse of the field before a game. Those Progressive Field ushers are the biggest dicks in baseball, and that is taking into account the shitheads who are involved in this game like Doug Eddings, Alex Rodriguez, and even Ryan Braun. Those ushers up there by the lake are the biggest hemorrhoids I’ve ever encountered in my life; they hate any source of joy or fun.
I’m ashamed to admit that many moons ago I actually owned Browns season tickets and traveled to that cesspool of a city every Sunday, until I realized what a huge downer in my week that it was. And it wasn’t just the Browns losing. It was very much my fellow fans and the way they acted. For a mutt like me to call it a disgrace, well that’s how you know that I saw some really screwed up things.
Like the fans who take it so seriously that they called my wife a bitch and threw a beer at her head because she wore a Giants shirt the night they played the G-Men on Monday Night Football. I’ll never forget that moment when every ounce of me hoped the Giants would kick their ass and send that stadium of losers home to cry in their shacks for another week – all while wearing my Brady Quinn jersey which is as worthless as soiled toilet paper now (like every Browns jersey the consumer is stupid enough to spend money on). It’s too bad it didn’t work out that night.
I knew at that moment that Cleveland sports just weren’t for me and that I wanted NOTHING to do with the association of that city, that team, or anything of the like ever again. It was the best decision I’ve ever made – though I did return back after that and had to walk away from multiple fights with several Browns fans who had too many beers and wanted to extract anger on someone when the Browns had come up just short.
I said it last year at this time and I’ll say it again because this is my place to say it: have fun with your Brandon Weeden this year, you loser Browns fans. You’re going to get just what you deserve in the form of yet another 6-10 season where all your hopes and dreams and ignorant preseason talk of playoffs gets flushed down the shitter just like your city has been so many times over. So everyone remember to get excited when “bum knee/ankle/everything” Trent Richardson runs for his 68 yards per game and cracks the 1,000 yard barrier; you turds. It’s not like you have any semblance of a star, anywhere. Ever.
I hope Yu Darvish strikes out 17 Indians tonight and ruins your Saturday night, Cleveland. You’re about as much fun as a bag of dicks. I hate Cleveland.