He is Untouchable; he is The Toddfather

Todd Frazier

When the Reds game ended tonight, Todd Frazier’s OPS sat exactly on the beautiful .900 number.

He has become a middle of the order hitter, and he’s done it his way just like Sinatra. The Toddfather’s way is shit swings. Borderline flailing at pitches. Wasting a guy’s best stuff with your worst. When he’s not suspecting it and his back is turned, you pull out your Tommy Gun and pump him full of shells.

I have no doubts that Todd Frazier is going to be an excellent big league baseball player who has stuff just king of fall into place for him. His hits always find green. He doesn’t endure long slumps. He is a winning player. He gets it done. He is clutch. Pressure does not get to the man. He’s good at everything he does, not naturally.

He’s from out in Jersey, where our wife tattled on him for making out with a probably dime piece when he was 12. He plays Sinatra when he strides to the plate not because he’s paying homage to Jersey. He does this to remind everyone just who they’re messing with when they meet the Toddfather in a dark alley.

Do you think Dusty Baker hits this guy in the middle of the order because he has all the measurable skills and passes the eye test? Hell no. Dusty doesn’t want to end up like Sal “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero on Sopranos.

Dusty’s from out west. You think he wants anything to do with any big-nosed pisan with a hard face from out east? Frazier hits in the middle of the lineup with that little-leaguer, shit-swing he used in Tom’s River. No questions asked.

This guy gets more pitcher’s count fastballs than any guy in the league. None of these guys want to sleep with the fish at night. They have families. The Toddfather knows their whereabouts and where their children attend school. It’s easier just to give him a 1-2 fastball down the heart of the plate and let him have his way with it.

The bottom line is you either let The Toddfather have what he wants or he and his crew will just take it. The Queen City is now guided by imaginary, greaze-ball hands.

UPDATE: And the guy that’s good at everything provides us with the feel good baseball story of the year thus far.