So in case you haven’t heard, Colin Cowherd went batshit about bloggers today on his ESPN radio show. So if you have a blog, he was to a degree making fun of you. Cowherd’s war with bloggers is old news. We’ve stayed out of it. Until today.
We wanna join the list of people out there who’d like to kick Colin Cowherd in the nuts. Let’s see what he had to say about ‘all of us’ today on his show. Talk about a slow friday in ESPN radio world:
“Blogs used to feel so edgy. I’ve never seen anything lose their relevance faster than blogs. You can make fun of newspapers, but they lost their relevance over like 150 years. Blogs lost their relevance in an hour and a half. When they first came out they seemed edgy and exclusive. Now Fidel Castro has one, my mom has one, everybody’s got one … the problem with blogs is that they’re too easy to create. And when anyone can create one, it dilutes it.”
“This whole anti-establishment blog thing was always funny to me. You know, these guys ‘I’m against the man, I’m anti establishment. Well, now they’re all owned by the establishment. Gawker media bought most of them.”
“The bottom line with hating the man – it gives you street cred, but you end up hanging out with people who can’t pay the bills. Let me tell you something, bloggers, 400 thread-count sheets are better than a sleeping bag. Trust me on that. You want to be part of the establishment. Anti-establishment is overrated.”
“These blogs … they’re like the high school goth chick who hates the high school QB because he’s the high school QB. The second he would ask her out (voice gets very high) ‘Oh my god! Why am I wearing black nail polish! I gotta shower this month! Oh my god!’ That’s blog guy.”
[Pretends like he's on a phone call] ‘Hi, this is New Yorker magazine, would you like a job with actual benefits?’ [Pretending to be a blogger] ‘ABSOLUTELY! I’ll pay for my own cab!’ What’s the name of the guy from the big one … Will Leitch at Deadspin – ‘Hi, this is the New York Times, our magazine would like you to be an editor … ‘I’ll take the job!’ … ‘Uh, we haven’t finished our sales pitch …’ ‘I’ll take the job!’
“In any business, if you’re any good, you’ll be embraced by the establishment, and they’ll drop money on you. This anti-establishment blog mantra is lame. You’re all bought by the establishment now. I’m all for emerging media, and i think that one that we knocked off, they they do a good job, The Big Lead.com – it’s lively, they do funny stories, it’s kind of sexy …”
And finally he STFU…
“They all want to tell you they have a unique angle and approach. Do you know 99% of all bloggers are white, 18-34, from the northeast, liberal … they’re all the same guy! They’re all the same voice! Middle class or above, prep school, overwhelmingly white. You’re the same guy! If i put you in a room i couldn’t tell you apart. They just link back and forth to each other. To me it’s funny. They’re the goth chick. Trust me, when the QB asks you out, it will make your year.”
I don’t even know where to start dissecting this guy. He’s obviously got a complex of some kind that makes him bitter against bloggers, right? At the same time, he is pretty in touch with the blog world. He knows the household names. He knows about Deadspin and Will Leitch. He knows about The Big Lead. He knows how the blogger business and hobby works.
Or is it just that he’s trying to use a little backwards ass psychology in a controversy creates cash sort of way? I mean like he said, we bloggers all talk to eachother. If we all start writing about Colin Cowherd, maybe just maybe he’ll gain a few listeners. God knows no one listens to ESPN radio anymore. I always tell my friends that if you’re in the car find the Fox Sports Radio affiliate and leave it there. Cowherd might know what 400 thread count sheets feel like (my mom bought me some of those off Ebay for cheap as shit) but the fact of the matter is he couldn’t hold JT the Brick’s jockstrap, or Andrew Siciliano. Hell if you held a gun to my head I’d even listen to Jim Rome over Cowherd. Cowherd has a radio show that drags on. It was probably dragging today, which is why he went on a blogger tangent.
It’s good to know that you’re accepted as part of the ‘establishment’, Colin. We’re glad that your producers and ESPN bigwigs put up with you in a manner that your own ex-wife could not. Truth is we’ve listened into Cowherd’s show many times because there was nothing else on and the worst part about it is the guy doesn’t seem to know a lot about sports. He hits on hot button issues, but doesn’t know the details. He’s always short on facts. That’s why bloggers (many of them anyways, like us) are better then Colin Cowherd, because they know who played right guard for the Atlanta Falcons in 2006 or who was the number one guy off the Dodgers bench in 1995.
Reasoning that there are a ton of blogs doesn’t make the luster wear off of the good ones. Re-read the quotes. Cowherd said it himself. The cream rises to the top. The best bloggers are being plucked to be part of the ‘establishment’ and go write for the big boys. Also, shithead forgets that not all bloggers slam ESPN (who we assume he meant as the ‘establishment’). We like ESPN, fuck it’s all we have. There are parts of it that suck and you’re going to hear about it when it surfaces in conversation; like your show for example. ESPN could always improve. But really we just blog because we love sports. Where else can you talk about the SI Swimsuit edition, Marlboro Chew, or video games in one area? It’s a one stop shop for great things! One blogger said it best: blogs are a blank canvas for you to do what you want with. It’s one of the only places in life where you can have that.
There are some people who just like to blog, Colin. They aren’t all liberal. Believe us. What’s wrong with wanting to have an online and infinite notebook of cool stuff you’ve written your thoughts about? It’s good for the mind, Colin. Ask your psychologist.
Best guess. Colin is bitter and harboring an insane amount of resentment about the attention blogs are receiving and depleting his newspaper journalist buddies of. He then spun in his mind that he could possibly gain some listeners out of it. The bottom line is The Herd with Colin Cowherd on ESPN radio is just not that great of a show. He’s living on a reputation that was once stronger; and time that is probably borrowed. If he doesn’t start coming up with better material, maybe he’ll no longer be one of the establishment that he speaks of. But you can’t force a girl to love you who doesn’t. A leopard can’t change its spots. Colin Cowherd will not be able to stop sucking because that is who he is. What goes around, comes around dude. We’re now gonna be part of the crowd who is laughing and throwing tomatoes when your run at the top comes to an end and you are the one in the sleeping bag.