Dippers Review: Longhorn Brand

It’s been quite some time since we’ve done a dippers review of any dip as a full post, so we’ll start with a new kind we recently sampled.

Longhorn Straight offers a flavor similar to Skoal, but a quality that is nowhere in the same ballpark. You have to find out what’s important to you. Is it quality and length of time of an enjoyable dip in order to save some price? Can you justify paying basically $3 more per tin to get something that is of very high quality? Or do you just want something, anything in your lip even if it is likable to mulch.

You know, we shouldn’t be this hard on Longhorn. It’s not that bad. But there is just no real reason to do it. You can pick up a tin for $1.17, which if you are unemployed it makes a lot of sense. I guess that’s the only reason that Longhorn is even in the discussion to begin with. If you’re a guy who has a lot of money, you really don’t need to fuck with this shit. You don’t see millionaires getting into Meth, do you? No. They go for the cocaine usually. And whores.

If you can possibly afford it, stay with the Copenhagen/Skoal/ or possibly Kodiak family. If not, we do happen to think that Timberwolf is the better blue collar dip.

We’ve recently tried Longhorn Straight, and Longhorn Wintergreen. A slight edge goes to the Wintergreen and although it is nasty, it earns the slight edge because it will probably give you a buzz. Slight increase in the fiberglass perhaps. It is pretty strong.

But there’s just something about this dip that cannot keep me satisfied. I do not know what it is. It dries up seemingly the instant you put it in. Your first spit will not be brown, but clear! Try it and see if I’m not right. I realize it’s entirely unfair to compare it to Skoal, but if Longhorn wants to improve its product they must strive to be more like the best.

We also think this: if Longhorn were suddenly the only dip sold in gas stations and stores, we would probably just start smoking. It’s just not solid. We’re trying really hard not to knock it. But it isn’t that good. Just having the tin sitting on your coffee table will provoke other dippers to see it and crack jokes about you and your new found cheap dip. So if you buy a tin of Longhorn keep it tucked away in your top dresser drawer. You don’t want other dippers judging you. They’re the only people who don’t judge.

So, do not go cheap on this one. Yes you’ll save the money but if you really aren’t dipping quality dip to begin with, there’s no reason to chance it at all with all the health risks. Basically we are saying: yea, it’s fine to play with a loaded gun and dip as long as you’re rolling with quality shit. Stay away from Longhorn brands.