That’s right. This morning began like every other morning. I was reading the spring scores and enjoying my fresh squeezed orange juice. I made oatmeal, in the microwave. It had slices of apples in it. I was ready for a shower but I remembered I had done such the night before; I was already as clean as could be. Of course I was, what else do I have to do but keep clean?
Oh, sure. I can go to a game here or do a 2 minute clip on Baseball Tonight about what’s buzzing around the camps in Winter Haven, or Scottsdale. But there’s no real excitement in that.
All I really was thinking is that I want…. no I need to stick my cock in this oatmeal, and dip my balls in some brown sugar. Then I want a toothless smelly whore with walnut breath to lick it off.
Ya know? Something out of the ordinary. I don’t want to just show up on time, every day for the rest of my un-exciting and meaningless life. And when I say show up on-time, I mean I’m there an hour to 2 hours early. Do you know what it feels like to spend your whole life waiting for something because you have nothing else to do with your time?
I mean where’s the excitement? Travis Hafner doubled twice and he looks like he’ll be back this year. Pedro Martinez spoke with Sandy Koufax, and then he told me yada yadda yada. Who gives a shit about that? Not me.
I wanna tie a woman up to the train tracks, bite her left ass cheek and see if the train conductor who’s 100 feet away sees her or hears her yell first. I wanna watch from behind the bushes and see what happens.
I wanna devise one of those traps you see in the SAW movies series and I want to be the voice on the tape recorder, with a puppet to go along with.
I wanna put my fingers in an asshole and give myself a mustache with the shit. Don’t you ever wanna do something that’s that exciting?
Tomorrow I think I’ll have cinnamon rolls. Fuck you.