A Case of the Mondays: Barry Bonds is an All-Star

Every monday, people all over the world and country suffer from it. It’s a “Case of the Mondays,” and it can cause even the happiest people to be a little cranky. Each and every monday, we’ll come strong with a rant in which we rip someone. Today, we’re ripping you baseball fans of America, and of the world, for voting in Barry Bonds as an All-Star Game starter.

Shame on you. Yes you. That is if you were one of the 2,325,391 blow-hards out there that cast your vote for Barry Bonds to start in the 2007 All-Star game. I can honestly say I didn’t play by the rules. For the first month or so of voting, I probably voted 500-800 times. Not once, no matter what did I consider voting for Bonds. Hell I was even voting for guys like Mike Cameron as my 3rd NL starter alongside Adam Dunn and Josh Hamilton just so that no one like Bonds would gain votes in hopes my guy would knock him out.

So the game is being held in his team’s home city of San Francisco? I don’t give a shit. I also could care less that he’s hitting .300+ with 16 homers and 40 RBI. Alright, those numbers are slightly impressive, but you’re telling me that he’s more deserving than a Brad Hawpe, Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard or Hanley Ramirez? These are young guys who could breathe new life into a game and fan base that is quickly tiring of Bonds this/Bonds that. It’s bad enough that every time we turn on ESPN we’ve got Pedro Gomez telling us what type of Sushi Bonds’ stool sample smelled like or that Barry bought a new mountain bike. We’ve got him shoved down our throat at every turn due to the fact that he’s chasing baseball immortality, the all time homerun record.

Look, we’ve never sat here and said if he breaks the record that an asterisk should be placed beside his final resting homerun total. It will be his record, he earned it. We just feel that baseball fans are doing a large injustice by giving this guy a free pass when it comes to something that should be more sacred than it is a joke; the All-Star game. It is supposed to represent the finest of the elite in class isn’t it? Not that bad people have never been elected as All-stars, that isn’t what we’re saying, but you’re going to sit here and tell me that Bud Selig wasn’t sitting fingers crossed that Alfonso Soriano would edge out Bonds for the 3rd and final starting spot in the NL’s outfield? I promise you he was.

What is it that intrigues you people about Barry? Is it his remarkably candid personality? Is it the excitement that he brings with every at bat? Honestly, I can say when he’s at bat it’s almost of no interest anymore to me. A large percentage of the time he’s going to walk. The other times, he’ll single. Every once in a blue moon, he homers still. Talk about being fucking one-dimensional. The only other thing I can figure is that people in San Francisco just voted their asses off to get their hometown boy Bonds into the All-Star game, and for that, you are very very bad people.

I never have been real fond of San Fran, never wanted to visit it no matter how many times my grandmother told it me was beautiful. When I think of that city by the bay, I think of trolleys, software companies, and Gay people. It’s “Seattle-lite”, which in this case is not a good thing. I think of liberals and radicals, the type of people that wanted Ross Perot to succeed and actually thought he would. The sun is always shining out in San Fran isn’t it, and the rainbows are a plenty. There is nothing “rainbow” or sunny about Barry Bonds. He is the worst human being in sports. I hope and pray that this is the last time I’ll be forced to take a moment out of my precious All-Star weekend and have to listen to something about his tempermental ass. I’m sure he’ll be the lead story with everything All-star, with him being in hot pursuit of Hank Aaron and being the crown jewell of the MLB city that is hosting the game.

Whatever it is that makes this steroids induced fuckhead deserve to start with a bunch of guys who earned their spots, I’m dying to know. Go ahead, tell me people. Why does Barry Bonds deserve to be an NL All-Star starter?