I know you can relate (tales from the pisser)

Alright gents, this one’s for you–I am sure that you know where I’m coming from with this. So I’m at the ballpark last saturday night when a sudden case of the fright hits. You know–the bashful bladder boy syndrome? What was strange about it is I’ve had quite the method in recent years to just not giving a shit and being able to pee on command; even at the ballpark. I’m talking there could be 100 people there and 200 eyeballs on me and sure enough, I get in, take care of business, and I’m out and back in my seat before even missing a half of an inning. What else was strange about my sudden case was that I had to piss like a racehorse. What then all the sudden you’re gonna go away, and leave me here looking like a fool who can’t control his piss? Plus we’re at the ballpark, I mean come on, cut me a break, the heart of the order is coming up next half inning. Don’t fuck me like this dick/intuition!

It’s like panic attacks or vietnam flashbacks in the sense that it can leave you for years and then bang! One day it re-appears and rears its ugly head; rendering you useless with your dick in your hands and a line of guys behind you breathing down your neck. Then you’re really in trouble, then you have to go in a pressure situation. I know that is not something you want either.

I’m talking about when you really got to piss; need to piss; want to piss; but you stand there at the urinal or trough at the ballpark and you just get a little bit shy. If it hasn’t happened to you, you’re just one of the lucky ones. If it hasn’t happened to you I’m sure you’ve accidentally glanced to your left or right and seen the guy next to you glancing at his watch. Yeah, I’m so sure that you got your pecker in your right hand and then all the sudden you needed to know the time of the day. Nah, not so much. He’s standing there trying to look like he’s in control, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is, he really, really needs to and wants to piss but he feels uncomfortable and the longer he stands there without it happening the more he wants to dig a hole where the piss drips mark the spot, jump in it, and hide.

I’ve actually had friends who either needed to go in bathroom stalls to get it done (and waited longer just to use the friendly confines of a closed door pisser), and friends that just get discouraged and walk out of the men’s room without even being able to to fulfill the reason they went; to drain the lizard. How silly is that? About as silly as a guy standing there not being able to piss you know?

I have to say, the modern day new glossy ballparks are a lot better for bladder-shy fellas than our fathers had to work with. I remember at old Cleveland Stadium and Cooper Stadium here in Columbus there is a trough of which you are forced to pee into. When I say forced, that is what it is. I’m sure you’ve seen the video on YouTUBE of the gentleman sliding through the Wrigley piss trough as well. Well, I can tell you as a kid, taking a piss at these venues was really a nightmare for me. You’ve got this big dicks there next to you, about at your head in your peripherial vision, there’s people crowded in to do their thing, and you’re just wanting a lifeline to survive so you can go back to the game. There’s nothing anyone can do to help you though. It’s all on you and your Johnson.

So I’m not sure what it was that sent me into sudden bladder fright. Everything was cool. I even had a nice buzz going, so it should have eased my worries (whatever that fear of the unknown was at the moment) but it failed to on this operation. It could have been the dad holding the kid in the air next to me, ala an Italian fountain. “Can you not reach son?” the kid says no daddy I can’t. Daddy proceeds to pick him up in the air, hold the 4 year old up from under his arms and the kid starts spraying pee in the urinal next to me. I think that broke my focus. It’s very important and pertinent to a quick, and painless of embarrasment piss to obtain great focus. This kid was my distraction.

Even after he left, I stood……stood…….waited……stood……getting antsy……gots to urinate……come on bastard……I’ll out wait you……you think I’m gonna just walk out of here huh? You’re wrong bitch……now come on……I don’t give a fuck if the people behind me are mad I’ll never see them again anyways, so they can piss somewhere else or keep waiting…….oh hey the Arizona Police are hiring, I know because I’ve became interested in this flier posted nicely above the urinal…..so think about that……why is it posted in Cincinnati?……..ah there it comes. I knew I’d piss…..I knew I’d win…..I’ll be back at the game in no time.

So when that time ‘arrives’ for you, what do you or what will you think about so that you are able to complete the task at the ballpark?