Ladies and Gentleman, Hogzilla is dead. Now why is this thing ending up on our baseball blog when we’re in the thick of the baseball season? Well, it’s a hog; that’s why. You have to hvae some filler in here. It can’t just be “yackity smackity, the Dodgers are playing well”, every day. Or actually it can be but this will add a little cultural diversity to our blog. More than anything, this is a blog about hogs, although in a much different form. Nonetheless, we’ll do this bit about Hogzilla
to get some more hits to keep our readers informed.
We’re not here to wish this animal well in hog heaven, or to pay tribute to it’s life. Afterall, it was a fucking hog. It had to have lived decently, right? I mean it was over 12 feet long and 1000 pounds. This thing preyed on the runts in the jungle. It could point to any female hog and probably any animal for that matter and say ‘get over here, I’m gonna give it to you. I’m the hog-king of this jungle and I can bang anyone I want.’
No we’re here for something more important. We’re here to inform our readers of the cast of the official, Hogzilla Movie!
Yes it’s true. It’s not bad enough that this monstrosity has made national news and we’ve all heard way too much about a freak of nature, disgusting pig already. They’re going to make a movie about this thing. They’ve already begun casting for Hogzilla the movie and have asked
hog slaying heartless gutless s.o.b. hunter Chris Griffin, the man who shot the hog, to help with recreating the magic that was this giant pig.
The best part in reference to this movie to be made, is that the company producing the film has asked former Detroit Tiger Cecil Fielder to play the part of the hog. In addition, little David Eckstein will play the part of the boy hunter.