Non-Baseball OT: Jake the Bachelor is a Douche

Okay, we get it. For your five minutes you get to be America’s sweetheart. You get to fool everyone in the world and get comments from females like ‘don’t bash him! he’s sooo nice’. But you aren’t fooling me, son.
You’re just like the rest of us.

You hold your nuts, you fart in your sleep, and you watch porn. You have disgusting habits, including scratching and sniffing and talking about pussy and beef jerky. You forget to brush your teeth, you have funky toe-nails, and you lie. You’ve probably stolen before, too.

Jealousy has nothing to do with it. I see right through the sweetheart act. You do not fall in love over a period of a few nights with multiple women. That is not real love talking, it’s an erection.

So I’ve been made to suffer through your bastard-ass rose ceremonies for weeks on end now hearing about how honest and charming you are. Your time is running short, turd.

Oh and if you were actually interested in the big finish, I read the spoiler and Vienna (the one who looks like a cross-eyed horse) wins The Bachelor. And now they’re already broken up in real life. Sorry.