Did you fuckas heeya what Burnett said? He said he wants ta join da Yankee nation, you bitches. We are da superior power in all of baseball, you fucks. That’s just how we roll. We come in, take all da fuckin’ quality outta da fuckin market, and leave yuh team with fuckin’ nickles ta rub ta-getha. Now buy me a beeyuh–I’m gonna be finished with dis one in a second. In Joisey we fuckin’ chug you pussies. Am I right?
(chugs beer, spilling some on neck area of shirt)
Now everyone knows dat da Bronx is da heart of Yankee nation, but I hail from Newark, New Joisey where we know all about duh fucking Yankees and how tuh take and own shit and make it ya own piece of fuckin’ property. Like last night. I met dis girl down on da shore. I told her, you wanna have any chance of suckin’ dis dick lata? You betta have a lighta in yuh fuckin’ pocket and a cigarette for me to smoke then. And lick my balls too. Dats why I’m a Yankee fan, you fucks. We don’t just go fur a piece, we want da whole thing. We don’t just want tuh be da best. WE ARE DA FUCKIN’ BEST. Am I right? Am I right?
(Chugs 2nd beer hard)
Are you ordering uh pizza? Save two slices fuh me. No, I’m not paying fuh any. I’m just asking fuh uh taste. Only uh Mets fan would decline to give me uh taste of the fuckin’ pie. Mets fans, we ain’t talkin about duh fuckin’ Mets tuh-day. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE METS AND THEIR FAGGOT FANS. God, duh Mets. What uh bunch uh second-class, seven-train riding assfucks. CALL ME WHEN YOU GET UH FUCKING REAL FRANCHISE, YOU SUBLETTING PUERTO RICAN BITCHES. Am I right? Now pump my fucking gas of my pimped out Honda Civic fuh me, you fucks.
(chugs 3rd beer, without removing Parliament cigarette from mouth)
So I’m at Wawa the utha day bout to get uh fuckin buffalo chicken sandwich and I got this group of fuckin’ ladies behind me in duh line talking about the Mets complainin’ about us going aftuh Lowe, Sabathia, Burnett, Texeira, and such. I turn around and I tell um, you make one more remark about duh fuckin’ Yankees and I’m gonna bitch slap yuh teeth outta yuh fuckin’ Seinfeld Jew kissin’ face. AM I RIGHT? You know I’m fucking right. You know it, honey. Don’t try and argue with me, ladies. I’ll just end up having to fuck you in duh ass again. AM I RIGHT, HUH?
(eats Hebrew National hot dog, washes down by chugging 4th beer)
Duh Red Sox, they’re fuckin’ second rate pussies as well. They don’t get half the pussy dat us membuhs of Yankee nation get here in Joisey. They don’t have duh luxury of claimin’ Bon Jovi and duh fuckin’ Pork Roll. The next Sox fan I see roll into my dinuh at 3 am when I’m stoned and drunk, I’m gunna rip his prick off and shove it down his fuckin’ throat; then I’m gunna put em in duh trunk of my civic and throw em in the Hudson. Red Sox fans have caught lucky breaks duh last few years but theyuh luck is about to run short. We got Hank in charge now, understood? Dat means big time winnuhs wearin’ pinstripes. We got uh trillion dollah credit and yuh all gotta pay duh fuckin’ pipah. AM I RIGHT COUSIN? AM I FUCKIN’ RIGHT?
(Puts on headphones around neck blaring of 50-cent)
All’s I’m sayin’ is day if some girl doesn’t start suckin’ on dis Genoa Salam in duh next five minutes, I’m not gonna lend you any of duh cigarettes or pizza people are gonna lend me. YANKEE NATION TILL I DIE MUTHAFUCKAS! BAFONGOOL YOU MUTTS! AM I RIGHT?