Why you should want to know who he is:
-Currently raking at a .344 clip for the first place Milwaukee Brewers.
-You probably thought he was black when you first noticed his name in the box score, and he couldn’t be further from.
No relation to:
Pig Farmer, “Fuck-slop“, Lurvy the Lumberjack
On how he got the nickname “Pig Pen”:
“Basically it’s because when you’re playing third base you got a lot of opportunity to get dirty. As a kid, I was always the kid whose mom was doing uniform laundry. I liked to get mud on my pants, my shirt, everything. Looked like I had been rolling in the mud for 9 innings.”
*He also once wiped his ass on another player’s dinner napkin at a post game buffet, thus being the real reason.
Hobbies other then baseball:
-Has a silver dollar collection
-Spraying shit with WD-40
Whig Party (did not vote in 2008)
On his first big league hit (off Braden Looper):
“That guy looked fuckin’ weird. Was he in the Adams Family movies?”
Off-season workout regimen:
-Walking on incline treadmill (speed 2.2)
-Humps body pillows on his waterbed
Projects to ___________ after 10 big league seasons:
-The guy behind your deli counter
Most candid experience playing with Prince Fielder:
-Stole a pack of Parliament Lights out of Prince’s locker.
-Once took a picture of one of his dumps and sent it to several teammates. The text, featuring a picture photo of his rather long excrement had a short caption written with it. It said simply “log ride”.