Junior Guerra is the whore we have been looking for in the Gentleman’s Game

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DStars45 won with dignity and class this past Friday night. It is he who braved the dangerous waters and made an offering to the biggest whore on the board on any Friday night this year, $4,000 Junior Guerra.

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Guerra did indeed put out to the tune of 23.1 DraftKings points, throwing six innings of shutout ball against the shit Padres and combined forces with Chris Sale, Joe Panik, and Bryce Harper to give DStars the win and five more points on his yearly lead that is quickly starting to slip away from the rest of us.

Yearly Standings:
DStars45 – 27 points
t3bird04 – 23 points
Jsquad34 – 20 points
Swindaman3 – 18 points
Diamondhoggers – 17 points

Rather than bogging down the column with “My lineup scored 41 points and almost topped Swindy’s toilet lineup from a few weeks ago by becoming the lowest scoring gents lineup of all-time” we will pivot and go in a different direction with today’s column.

Each week, we will make a short list of “Fantasy Players to Kill”. These are the guys who are absolutely destroying you in your yearly leagues, or that guy we pony up $5,000 for each Friday on Draftkings only to skunk us with zero points. Coors Field Yoenis Cespedes can certainly suck a big one. Here’s the list for right now:

  • Dallas Keuchel
  • Sonny Gray
  • Kevin Jepsen (really not fair to put him here because if you’re rostering Jepsen, you are the one who deserves to be killed).
  • Justin Upton
  • Paul Goldschmidt (owners are freaking out, he’s going to be okay he’s just not been all-world yet)
  • Delino DeShields Jr. (totally worthless, sent down, he escapes the list next week)
  • Carlos Gomez
  • Carlos Rodon
  • Carlos Santana
  • Carlos Martinez
  • Any fuckin’ guy whose parents even though about naming him Carlos
  • Randall Grichuk
  • Jose Berrios
  • David Peralta (his homers have come against Jose Fernandez, a lefty, and yeah he had one when I had him in the lineup. He’s now hurt and on the DL after the DBacks said he wouldn’t go on the DL for the last three weeks).
  • Albert Pujols
  • Matt Harvey, see below

Now for the DFS fuck-sticks du’jour:

  • Josh Donaldson (homers against lefties like a golden rule when I don’t use him in DFS; when I do an pay a million dollars for the rights to use him he gets a zero, against a lefty).
  • Mike Trout (probably wants to be elsewhere on a Friday night, never hits or does much on Friday evenings, cost a zillion dollars, he’s never seemed so boring to own in seasonal).
  • Justin Upton (could easily list him in any discussion where being poor at baseball is discussed)
  • Jake Odirizzi (only ended up here because he ruined my night 15 minutes into Friday evening, the A’s too…. really?)
  • Prince Fielder
  • Michael Wacha (maybe the most boring pitcher in baseball)
  • Joey Votto
  • Matt Harvey (nice to see him here too because I’ve often wondered if there’s a bigger POS in all of baseball. F Matt Harvey in his Dark Knight pants and all his owners who acted like he was the second coming of Tom Seaver in any trade negotiation in March).

Alright, that about clears things up for this week. Let’s take a look at DStars45’s winning lineup, which he was nice enough to file from his relaxing vacation condominium in the Florida panhandle. He gets brownie points in my book for using Catcher/Punt Play Tommy Joseph who was once the lead drummer for Skid Row:

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So……….. what will happen when we show up to the cocktail party next week?

Which players will be noticed for their incompetence at what they’re paid handsomely to do? Can any whore lift her skirt higher for a cheaper price than Junior Guerra? It’s becoming a very cool thing to do to find the best whore each Friday night; while t3bird04 continues to do the smart thing and bring his wife, Chris Sale. And don’t forget, Poop Meteorolgist Swindaman3; master of the morning toilet lineup, is now doing battle with ME for the futility spot in the DFS Gentleman’s Game standings. Which one of us can succeed in building a 19 point lineup? I looked like I had a great shot until Joe Panik got going.

As always, you must stay tuned in to find out. It is the Gentleman’s Game which is the highest honor in DFS. It is not for the weak at heart or mind.