The first Friday edition of the Gentleman’s Game Cup Series on DraftKings had several stunning occurrences. Tyler “The Great White” of the Houston Astros was definite MVP of the Gentleman’s Game this week. His 26 points led the way for DStars45 to take the week, the huge winnings, and his top place in the standings from last season.
JSquad34 spent the week complaining about what a sham Draftkings is. He’s right – however JSquad34 believes that Draftkings would make life wonderful if they would allow for late-swaps of players involved in bad weather games. We disagree a little bit here; but I do think DraftKings is shadier than the largest shade tree in my grandfather’s backyard – a 200 year old oak. Several Gentleman learned this week that their referrals have been zeroed out by Draftkings to pay (we assume) their lofty attorney fees. This is really too bad; not because I will miss the $10.15 in “Draftkings bucks” I received each month, but because I had to beg, borrow, and steal to get people to sign up under my name. Literally, the three or so guys I talked into being “my recruit” on Draftkings probably do not like me anymore because of the sales job I did to get them to sign up through the site, referral code “Diamondhoggers”. People in general do not like you selling things to them. I have done it for a living for over a decade. Hawking Draftkings services to a friend just sounds shady from the get-go, and about 30 minutes in I always feel like I am trying to get them to buy a coupon booklet or phone directory. Anyways, none of that matters now because I have no more referrals. If any draftkings employee reads this – I would like you to use referral code “kiss my ass” from here forth for a deposit bonus on this website!
JSquad34 should get props for being the only Gentleman to use the animal that is named Josh Donaldson. He hit a grand slam and was worth 20 points. This alone pulled the Gent we call ‘The Squad’ into second place. We don’t really call him that, though.
T3Bird was t3bogey during this Master’s week. He took zeroes from Luis Valbuena and Nelson Cruz in route to scoring 85+ points and coming in third place. Another winning move was using Scooter Gennett for his home run and 16 points. He was the only gent other than the victor to use the Scooter on Friday night. Scooters can be a lot of fun when you ride them with a few gents.
As for Diamondhoggers (that’s us, let’s just be real here), well where do we start. Diamondhoggers….. it’s gonna take a solid month or two to get you sorted the fuck out with your DFS. What a mess. Just 61.65 pathetic points on a lineup you spent all day tinkering with. The move you were most excited about was bringing a trash whore like Matt Wisler to the cocktail party. It really worked out well for a while, too. You thought you had them all fooled. And then Matt started saying things that made others question why he was your date to begin with in such a fine establishment. And things got foiled. Diamondhoggers was awarded with two pity points for putting their name on the paper and finds themselves in an uphill battle in this early gentleman’s joust.
And then there’s Swindaman3. We are checking with the Elias Sports Bureau on this, but it is possible that his 33.35 points was the lowest recorded score in the history of the Gentleman’s game. Matt Shoemaker did the honors this week as the Gentleman’s Game Turd of the week with a negative -7.25 points. Matt Shoemaker is the kind of whore you want to bring to the cocktail party! We like El Swindy’s train of thought here. It could have definitely worked. Marcus Stroman’s off night and a slow night from his hitters compounded the bad behavior on Shoemaker’s part. He’s done this before at the Friday night gala.
Here’s the look at the standings at the two-contest mark:
DStars45 – 9 points
t3bird04 – 8 points
Diamondhoggers – 5 points
Jsquad34 – 5 points
Swindaman3 – 3 points
So now we wait. It’s after weeks like this that I wish there was a gentleman’s game on a Tuesday so we could all take aim at proper vengeance. But you only get so many Gentleman’s Games in life to take advantage. It is a high-pressure environment that simply isn’t for everyone in the Daily Fantasy realm.
So what will happen next week? Will JSquad34 take aim at Draftking’s rake amount? Which new whore will diamondhoggers have on his arm come Friday evening? Will Swindaman3 complain that this post came too late in the week and say that he is not interesting in reading it? Will our own t3bird spread his wings and decide to go for an eagle? Will Dstars45 permanently elect Tyler White into his circle of trust?
You must tune in next week to find out.