Jose Abreu initiates the year’s first Hawkgasm


It’s a privilege to watch Jose Abreu hit. It’s honestly a gift to anyone who loves the game. I had the White Sox game on today all day for three reasons: I had money on the White Sox – which I lost badly, Jose Abreu, and I wanted to hear Hawk Harrelson sing, hoot and openly root for the pale hosers.

Jeff Samardzija was pretty shitty. This team will need Chris Sale badly to reach the heights I think they can; that much was proven today.

And in a twist of not so much irony, Jose Abreu provided me with the only bit of Hawk Harrelson excitment on the day:

Man can this Big Cuban Stud hit. Yordano Ventura was topping out at 99 MPH on the gun and when that wasn’t happening the Sox were kicking the ball all over the damn field, allowing home runs to Mike Moustakas and losing my money as fast as they could. Final score 10-1 Royals. I maintain, Kansas City is not a good team and they are costing me way too much money dating back to last year’s postseason.

But I’ll meet with my bookie tomorrow and pay that man his money, and I’ll live to fight another day and be okay because Jose Abreu eats, sleeps, and crushes and makes Hawk Harrelson’s trousers a mess.