Do you find yourself tossing and turning at night? Don’t sleep like you did in your early twenties and thirties? It’s alright, let Dr. Timothy Federowicz become your personal sleep professional.
You see, most Los Angeles Dodgers players (if not all) get some kind of walk-up song before each at-bat that will jazz you up, get you going, and most of all keep you awake. They might do something to excite you or startle you with their play just as you’ve relaxed after a long day. That’s when Dr. Federowicz steps in and does his best work.
Dr. Federowicz walks to the plate with no song to announce his presence. Hell if you have the game on and all the lights are off in your living room – you’ll hardly even know he is present! Dr. Federowicz uses a special practice that began during his studies and playing baseball at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where he was first denied any attempt at having a batter walk-up song because he can’t stop riding the batting average interstate!
You don’t have to worry about Dr. Federowicz doing anything to awaken your sleeping baby or any act that will require energy or thought on your end. Just make sure you’re laying in a prone position when he comes to the plate, and you’ll instantly feel more tired! Dr. Federowicz was given the name “White Noise” because you will never have to worry about hearing the crowd cheer during his time at the dish. He’s the most ordinary player in baseball, and he gets owned every at bat. This can become a problem if Dr. Federowicz takes his practice on the road; so please turn down the volume on your television set if a strikeout pitcher is on the mound.
“I had trouble sleeping for over two decades until I discovered Dr. Federowicz! I tried everything from tapes of the ocean to engine-powered fans. Nothing makes me sleep like a continuous loop of Dr. Federowicz’s career highlight tapes! Thanks Dr. F!” – Gladys Minnadys, 76
“Nothing is as calm, harmless or as quiet as old ‘White Noise’. I have found peace with his consistent practice.” – Red Stansbury, 84
“I could lay in my room with my eyes held open with duck tape and safety pins; and when Dr. Federowicz is on my television set I know I’ll be in dreamland in minutes no matter who is on deck. It could be game seven of the World Series.” – Clifton H. Michael, 61 and 35 year sufferer of insomnia.
“The best part about Dr. Federowicz is you now he’s never going to step up to the plate and do anything exciting. How many things in life are this certain? That’s why I shy away from medication. I just use Dr. Fed.” – Virginia Gathaway, 56
“We bought a house next to a set of railroad tracks back in 1995. Over 15 years of torture and misery when night time came. Thank God for Dr. Federowicz’s career.” – Jim Ballwinkle, 77
So don’t hesitate! Subscribe to the White Noise method today! We promise you will get tired of getting tired! Don’t delay! Call 1-888-WHT-NOIS for your consultation and you will receive a free copy of Dr. Federowicz’s base-running highlights. This entire seven minute video tape of Dr. F standing on first or second base and never crossing home can be yours for free. A $2.00 value!