Have a seat in my fantasy baseball clubhouse son. I want to have a talk with you. You’re a good looking Dominican boy, a clean boy. I just used a really high waiver claim on you in the finest of leagues. I’m gonna need you to go out there this year and show us all that 100 MPH fastball you’ve got and post that 9-plus K/9 I know you have in you. Can you do that for me son?
That’s right, go out there and be dominant to the point that they push that 200-inning limit that is being thrown about in the media reports. Make that Ned Yost a big fat liarsbreath. I wanna see him push that arm to the limit. Lets see how many it can withstand. Do I hear 230? I think I might.
You see son, I don’t make a habit of trusting young pitchers when I’m trying to win at something. It just isn’t good for business. But I trust you. That’s not like me. There’s something different about you. I feel like you could be a member of my fantasy squad for a very, very long time.
Now head down there; that hallway, to my imaginary fantasy baseball clubhouse buffet. Enjoy the spread. You like how I treat my players? You’re going to like it more if you strike out 10 in your debut that first week because I’ll be treating the boys to steak. That’s right.
The world is your oyster young man. I know they probably didn’t show you a lot of oysters over there in the Dominican where you came from. But you stick with me and my evil cartel of banditos, you’re going to have a lot of oysters.