It’s annual, it’s fun, and it’s predictable.
Berman will throw in a few ill-fated puns only to interrupt himself with the ‘back-back-backing’ of a long home run by Jose Bautista. And we’ve got 2 to 1 odds that he uses the pun “Bautista bomb” as a very bad play on words from the former WWE superstar’s finisher.
The important things to remember while watching the derby go as follows:
1) Berman simply says things because they are fun for him to say them (i.e. when Matty Holliday goes deep Berman will declare it a “National Holliday”).
2) What you are watching no matter how fun it is; is just glorified batting practice.
Here are some other predictable verbal punches and kicks Berman might throw at you tonight:
“Oh my gosh folks! He’s gone deep again! He’s the Prince of the Desert!” (When Fielder hits a bomb)
“It’s back, back, back, back and David Orteases it off the wall, just missing his 7th home run”.
“And Robinson CAN!” (after Cano barely sneaks one into the crowd)
“And Ricky he might be little but do not call him Weeks has done it again”
As great as Berman probably thinks he is, and as great as ESPN thinks he is; he’s really just one big trip back to the European pool. You know what we mean by that concept; if you’ve seen one tit, you’ve seen them all. If you subject yourself to tonight and you listen to Berman the only way you have the choice, your home run derby experience will be forever changed. Every derby will then run together from here on out.
There will be brief periods tonight where Berman’s voice drones us into thinking that it’s 1996 again and things are happening back at Veterans stadium. The years go on and fly by but Berman remains the same.
In all seriousness, the derby is still awesome to us and the summer is now officially at it’s midpoint. We wish the contestants were a little different but if you are running a derby pool at your office don’t be a doofus. Put your money on Joey Bats and him actually destroying Josh Hamilton’s derby record. You don’t bet on a guy with that kind of facial hair ability, pulled shot power in a home run contest. He’s going to own tonight. And Berman will take whatever he leaves to chance.