Awright, Fahckin lay off A-rod!

You think fur a God damned minute dat you can pick on da supa star dat is duh heart and duh soul of duh New York Yankees? Well yer damn wrong. If duh national media outlets like ESPN think dey can slam our fuckin’ guy, dey got anudder thing comin! Am I not right?

(steals purse from the elderly)

He’s our guy. If we wanna go out and say dat A-Rod is a fuckin’ cunt, then he is. If someone else is dumb enough to call him a fuckin’ cunt, den dey get knocked duh fuck out! Am I right? Right?

(borrows pack of Newport cigarettes from stranger)

Dats how we roll in da Bronx! You mess with one of us you see many of us, biaaatch! Personally, I could care less about A-Rod using steroids. In fact, I used da same shit myself back when my cousin Joey and I were workin’ in da summer at da gym down in Seacaucus. We traded stolen gold and televisions for some of dat shit and we got ripped as fuck. We den got some little gals to suck down dis genoa salam on a daily basis because our fuckin’ muscles were bigger den da clothes we had to put on. Am I right or what? Of course I am.

(starts up Honda civic and turns up the bass to the maximum)

If more people in dis country had da balls dat A-Rod did, we wouldn’t be headed towards being a third world country. If anyone in da whole city of Detroit or da auto industry had any sack whatsoeva like our boy A-Rod, they’d still be meaningful. Am I not right?

Da way I see it, A-Rod is da CEO of his own entaprise dat is his own body. He can represent how he’d like to represent his company. If he wants to take steroids to be da best in da fuckin’ world like da team he plays for, den dat should be allowed. And if you think I’m wrong I gots a crowbar that says you are da fuck dat is wrong. Know what I’m sayin’?

(sneaks into strip club without paying)

Plus A-Rod is a Yankee. How dare baseball out our guy and point duh finga at our star? Because A-Rod is a fuckin Yank he should be allowed to cheat. Da numba one reason dat he should be allowed is because our fuckin Babe’s record was stolen by that boring ass Hank Aaron and den by that cheatin’ cunt Barry Bonds. So the way I see it A-Rod is cheating to rightfully bring da record back to da Bronx where it belongs. Am I right?

(drinks someone else’s beer, asks for another saying he spilled the first one)

A-Rod is an entertainer. He’s da finest playa in da entire world and he betta not be fucked wit dis upcoming season. I wish we had a team of 25 A-Rods. Now dat would pack duh house. Am I right? You know I am right.

(bums light off someone, keeps lighter)

And I’m gonna sit der all season long on da dugout at da new cathedral in baseball with my numba 13 joysey on and I’m gonna stroke my italian salam for each one of A-Rod’s 50 fuckin homers. He’s our playa and our star and the rest of you are just jealous dat you don’t have a playa da caliba of Rodriguez. He’s still goin to duh Hall of Fame as soon as he retires with 900 homers and if there is any doubt about that my cousin Vinny will pistol whip you right where da sun don’t shine.

  • I love the Donny from Newark series!


  • There’s going to be 1,000 Donny’s at opening day at the New Yankee Stadium and they’re all gonna be defending their A-Rod. No matter how wrong he is, they’re the only ones allowed to attack him.