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Jay Bruce does his best Stan Musial

April 9, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Everything is coming up Jay Bruce right now. Look at a couple of these ugly finders that counted for knocks today!

Granted, Stan the Man probably didn’t hit this many weak squibbers in his entire career; Bruce went into St. Louis in the Cardinals home opener and posted the sixth four-hit game of his career. He gets about one of these per season, so enjoy the following video montage:

The Reds went into St. Louis–a place that usually serves as a house of horrors–and embarassed the Cardinals in their home opener on a day that their greatest player ever was being honored. When you paste a team 13-4 and score nine runs in the top of the ninth inning to seal it, you’re a group that’s intent on proving a point. Or just really good.

Bruce is now over .300 on the season (.324). Still with a goose egg in the homer department while Justin Upton has um, six; but we will sign up right now for Bruce hitting only 20 homers if he can find a way to hit .300 on the year.

I’m glad that with Mitchell Boggs’ help, the Reds were able to dedicate the day to Stan the Man accordingly.

Filed Under: Cincinnati Reds, St. Louis Cardinals Tagged With:

Rank Relief: Mitchell Boggs makes St. Louis want to sign for John Axford

April 9, 2013 by 1 Comment

Rank Relief 4.8.13

Mitchell Boggs did not have a good day at the office today.  He managed to get a pumped up Cardinals crowd at the home opener to head to the exits early despite the game being tied going into the 9th.  (confirmed via twitter)

Rank Relief4 4.8.13

The game went into the 9th tied 4-4 and Boggs, the temporary closer while Jason Motte is on DL (/all Cardinals fans rush to see when Motte will be back), came in shut down the 9th and give the Cardinals a chance to walk-off for their home opener.  This is what happened instead:

Rank Relief3 4.8.13

So to recap, 1 out recorded while giving up 4 runs and 3 walks.  He was also responsible for the next 3 runs the Reds scored.  Now Boggs did give up the go ahead run, but he wasn’t helped by Pete Kozma’s error or his manager forcing him to intentionally walk 2 batters.  On paper this looks like the rankest performance of the year, but the Reds only hit one ball out of infield.  Boggs should still get the next save chance, but look out for Trevor Rosenthal, who touched 100 MPH several times today.

Filed Under: St. Louis Cardinals Tagged With: ,

St. Louis Cardinals 2013 Team Preview

March 13, 2013 by Leave a Comment
craig

Never trust a guy with two first names, unless that guy is Allen Craig.

The Cardinals. The pesky, annoying, fire-ant in your ass-crack Cardinals. These fucking annoying shits. In case you have forgotten, here was what ruined my postseason experience in 2012:

You had them right where you wanted them all along, didn’t you Matheny? Sure you did, you needle-dick. The day before, my Reds completed their collapse. I decided to cast my anchor to the Nationals and their red-assed manager. Things were looking great, and then suddenly it was over. I didn’t watch another full game the whole postseason. The Reds collapse combined with their arch-rival’s unlikely triumph was enough to make me sick.

It’s like; it was cute in 2011. I felt good for the Cardinals getting that title. Last year, those resilient little shits didn’t belong. I don’t care that they took the NLCS to seven games. That team out-kicked their coverage.

Now you’re going to try and tell me that the Cardinals have the best offense in the National League? With all due respect, I disagree.

I know this team well. I’ve watched a lot of them over the past decade. This is a fine organization from the top down, and their players will grind and represent their organization on the field with a lot of pride. They’ll get more out of less. Their role players will over-achieve. Their prospects will almost certainly all develop. Things go that ways for the lucky Cardinals. Thank God that guys like La Russa, Pujols and Carpenter aren’t there anymore. It makes the Cardinals a little more difficult to hate–but not much.

I’m here to tell you why the Cardinals aren’t going to win the National League Central after the jump. [Read more...]

Filed Under: 2013 Diamond Hoggers Season Previews, St. Louis Cardinals Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In Honor of Chris Carpenter’s Presumptive Retirement

February 6, 2013 by Leave a Comment

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Chris Carpenter is done. Finuto. That arm is about as sturdy as a hang-nail right now.

The Cardinals held a press conference today to address the Canadian pitcher’s future in baseball, and what came out of it was that he’s suffering from zingers and numbness in the shoulders and neck. That’s a real shame.

I don’t mean to be a dick, but I’m not going to miss the guy. He’s 14-5 with a 2.55 career ERA against my Cincinnati Reds. He’s replaced Roy Oswalt as the puzzle the Redlegs can never solve before they run out of outs. It’s just never any fun at the old yard when you buy a ticket and this guy is warming up on the mound.

At the very least please sit back and enjoy yourself when some poor sucker who didn’t prepare for your fantasy baseball draft takes Carpenter off the board in the later rounds because he can’t resist. Carpenter won’t pitch in 2013 and we have a hunch that he’s already thinking about sipping ice cold Labatts Blue on a Canadian porch somewhere for the rest of time. We just hope he can find a way to explain to his son about Scott Rolen “attacking him” in 2010.

Filed Under: St. Louis Cardinals Tagged With:

A Few of Bryce Harper’s Teammates Made Sure this NLDS jack was the Last Homer he would hit this year

November 10, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This was the greatest postseason collapse that I’ve ever seen. Such an epic collapse that coming on the heels of the Cincinnati Reds epic collapse  I actually decided to take extended time off from the blog.

There’s no more ‘Take on Me’. Hell, with the Nats flipping a coin to decide between Mike Morse and Adam Laroche, we might never hear it again. But the memories shall remain glorious. And if this was the last version of A-ha that we’ll hear at Nationals Park in Washington, it was probably the best one.

I thought that Bryce Harper was going to have a huge postseason. Instead, he only had a huge game five. And he didn’t pack up his things for the off season before he did this:

When the winter snow clears, he’ll be back. And he’ll be assaulting stadium seats with rapier shots at the young age of twenty. I can’t frickin’ wait!

Filed Under: MLB Playoffs, St. Louis Cardinals, Washington Nationals Tagged With: ,

To commemorate his first postseason win, a great Bryce Harper read

October 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Thanks to Tyler Moore’s pinch-hit 2-run single late in the game, the Nationals took a 1-0 series advantage over the St. Louis Cardinals. I spent a good part of the evening last night reading Jerry Crasnick’s long story about Harper’s journey through his first big league season. It’s a great read.

“I sit on the aisle and he sits on the aisle on the plane, so I talk to him all the time,” Nationals broadcaster F.P. Santangelo says. “I’m probably as close to him as anybody on the team. The first thing he says on the plane after the game is, ‘I passed the Mick tonight.’ How often do you hear that? I get goosebumps now just saying it. It’s something I’ll remember for the rest of my life: ‘I passed the Mick tonight.’ He said it with respect and reverence and maybe a little bit of astonishment, all wrapped up in one.”

  • Looking back at Bryce Harper’s thrilling rookie season. [ESPN]
Filed Under: League Division Series, slurping a player, St. Louis Cardinals, Washington Nationals Tagged With: ,

Wild Card Friday (& Predictions)

October 5, 2012 by Leave a Comment

For the first time in the history of this blog (and the sport in general), the postseason kicks off with two Wildcard teams playing a one game play-in the day before the real deal gets going.

National League: St. Louis Cardinals at Atlanta Braves

The last time Fredi Gonzalez was in this situation, he didn’t fare so well. He’s not a good manager, and his immensely talented team has brought him back for a chance at redemption despite his attempts to sabotage them all. It’s a testament to the winning culture in Atlanta, and the fact that they want to send their strong leader Chipper Jones out as he deserves; a winner.

The Cardinals had enough magic last season to last them a lifetime. If you were like us, you waited all season long for a Cardinals run that never really came. We have no doubts that the Cardinals will have some great runs in the future under Mike Matheny, and this season was a nice start to his managerial career. But these Cardinals are not made with the same ingredients that made them great at this time last year. They just aren’t.

They’ve still got the ability to score and knock down fences with the best of them, but there’s some smoke and mirrors within their starting rotation. Adam Wainwright has a lot of mileage on his arm, Chris Carpenter missed most of the season, and the wildcard game starter Kyle Lohse had a career year that seems to be an anomaly more than a constant.

The baseball gods will allow the Braves to extract some sweet revenge on the team that stole their spot like a thief in the night a year ago. Fredi and the Braves will win tomorrow night in Atlanta and give Chipper Jones one final crack at a ring that has eluded him since 1995. The Cardinals season ends tomorrow.

Prediction: Braves over Cardinals

American League: Baltimore Orioles at Texas Rangers

My goodness we love Ron Washington. His speech to his troops before World Series game seven last postseason is the thing that legends are made of. And how about those tricky Orioles? Who in their right mind had Buck Showalter and the Orioles here at this point? No one. Not a damn person outside the Baltimore fan base, and if you try to tell me otherwise you’re lying.

The Orioles have strung together a rag-tag bunch that includes Mark Reynolds, Robert Andino, Nate McLouth, and Chris Davis. Of course they’ll go to the Hellhouse that is the Ballpark in Arlington, to face all of those terrifying hitters and F-bomb dropping Ron Washington and they’ll start a pitcher (Joe Saunders) who I would consider waiver wire garbage. Were they trolling late-night for catfish the night that they found Saunders? He started seven games for the Orioles this season. They haven’t a season like this since I was still searching for my first kiss. And they’re going to let Joe Saunders decide their season? This is who you throw out there to decide the biggest game this team has played in decades? That’s TV I’ve got to see.

But you know what? The baseball gods are a funny thing.

Here are teams on the opposite side of the spectrum. One team is littered with superstars, while the other just appears littered. The Rangers will throw their high-dollar import special Yu Darvish to oppose Saunders. The Rangers have about as much postseason experience up and down the roster as anyone in the field this year. The Orioles have little to none.

Everyone in the world will pick the Rangers tomorrow night. It would probably make sense to do the same. But something in my gut tells me that this Texas team has learned the just how long and impossible the journey seems. They’re jaded. They dropped the World Series two years ago. Last year they climbed back up that tall hill only to see it slip away in the most gut-wrenching fashion possible in sports. If that wasn’t enough to kill the spirits of this team, getting caught by the Oakland Athletics and losing the division title after leading the way for 99% of the season has destroyed this team’s inner conscious. I’m telling you that they’re mentally cooked.

Look back at the other side now, those tricky Orioles. They don’t know what they’re about to embark upon. They haven’t been here. They can say ‘who gives a shit, the whole damn season has been crazy anyways’. They have been starting Mark Reynolds the last few seasons. What do they care? Here’s a situation where I think lack of experience helps a team. In this one game scenario, they can catch some lightning in a bottle because they aren’t able to fully grasp the moment. All the pressure in the world is on our beloved Ron Washington and his Cocaine Cowboys of the West.

Most of all, in this life when everything seems so certain; it isn’t at all. Go the other way with the pick that everyone will go one way with. When they zig, you zag.

Prediction: Orioles over Rangers

Filed Under: Atlanta Braves, Baltimore Orioles, MLB Playoffs, Postseason, Predictions, St. Louis Cardinals, Texas Rangers, Wild Card Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

St. Louis is a baseball town; and Bryce Harper homered in his first visit

October 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Knowing that Bryce Harper is the historian of the game that he is; you get the feeling that he wanted to put the Busch Stadium notch in his belt for parks he’s crushed one out of before his rookie season concluded.

When he came to the plate the other night against Pork Chop Lance Lynn, he did exactly that. This one flies nearly to the golden arches.

It was home run number 22 on the season, and you’ll just have to wait one more day to see if he can add to his rookie season total.

Filed Under: St. Louis Cardinals, Washington Nationals Tagged With: ,

Cardinals meet Bryce Harper, your Nail in the Coffin just landed in the Bullpen

August 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

With one thunderous swing of his bat, the St. Louis Cardinals season went from bad to worse. In fact, stick a long overdue fork in these guys. They’re finished.

I don’t care that they were 10 games out at this point last year. I don’t care that they got a ring last year. The 19-year old phenom just buried them. And I of course was stupid enough to stream Jaime Garcia on my fantasy team last night thinking he would carve up the Nats lineup.

Nats win 8-1. Cardinals, better luck next season boys. A dynasty you will not be.

Filed Under: St. Louis Cardinals, Washington Nationals Tagged With: , ,

Hanley Ramirez’s Dodger Debut

July 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last night was Hanley Ramirez’s first big league game in a uniform other than the Marlins. The Dodgers lost 3-2 in extra innings in his debut. I spent the evening playing cards with my good friend (and Dodgers fan) Dave Franco from Next Level Ballplayer. He had great cards.

Ultimately, I think this proves to be a huge move for the Dodgers who appear serious once again about spending the big dollars to win. He hasn’t been great this season, but he’s still Hanley Ramirez. If he decides he wants to do this, he’s a really dangerous bat to add to the heart of the order. I look for the Dodgers to make one more move to acquire an arm and be one of the teams who sneak into the playoffs on a dangerous run.

And people will probably look back on this Ramirez trade and say the Dodgers came out on top. I think people around baseball were surprised at how little it took to acquire the former batting champion.

Filed Under: Los Angeles Dodgers, St. Louis Cardinals, Trades Tagged With:

Stan the Man Couldn’t Sniff the Homer Bailey Express Because He Wasn’t Man Enough

July 21, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Remember what I told y’all?

The only thing Bernie Brewer had to drink last night was my hot piss!

[Loads rifle, fires it in the air; twice]

Where’s that little bald-headed fuckjaw Jocketty? I reckon his desires to set me down in that bullpen have disappeared just like his view of his little pecker has over the years. Looking to acquire a pitcher? Take the day off, baldy. Just tell that worry-wart Price that I’m ready to go another nine innings tonight, and I’ll go another full nine tomorrow if he brings the right ingredients for moonshine.

[Gigs frog, hard]

Braun, Ramirez, Hart, Weeks, the little china-man lead off hitter. Not a one of um’ had balls enough to fornicate with Homer’s rocket fastball last night. When Chapman came in for the 9th inning, it musta’ seemed like a fuckin’ picnic.

The fans in this town got their britches all in a wrinkle about winning a pennant. The only flag we need to worry about bringing home this year is Clint Hurdle’s wife’s panties. And that’ll be no problem because the Homer Bailey Express was built for a long season of fucking.

[Skins muskrat with pocket knife]

Go dig up that pussy Musial, tell um’ I think he’s yella. I wanna challenge him to a draw, best man wins. When he turns around, only gun I’m going to be holdin’ is that big ace meat rocket that dangles between this legs. Cooperstown ain’t never seen anything like this.

[Takes off pair of long underwear, Puts on pair of ass-less chaps]

And I’m gonna give Stan ‘The Man’ a message to deliver to his Cardinal buddies from the Prince of 98 Miles per hour….. you tell um that Homer Bailey is ready for them, and he’s comin’ out fuckin’ down the stretch! That’s right, Holliday, Beltran, Furcal, and all the other St. Louis speds they got over there. Get ready for an orgy of splitters boys, it’s Homers turn with the ladies at this square-dance.

[Looks in mirror, combs hair back with a cougar bone handle comb]

Yeeeeeeeehawwwwww! If you think that fastball moistened some panties last night, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

I’m putting the Central Division on notice! I love baseball in a pennant chase because that’s when the whores come out! YEEEEEEEEHAWWWWW!

 

Filed Under: Cincinnati Reds, Milwaukee Brewers, Pittsburgh Pirates, St. Louis Cardinals, we really do love this guy Tagged With:

Reds Weekend Sweep the Cardinals in Cincinnati

July 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

[Box Score]

[Hal McCoy] [Cincinnati.com]

What a weekend.

On the weekend that my best friend tied the knot (the Reds lost to the Cardinals on my big day), the Reds swept the Cardinals and reclaimed sole possession of first place in the NL Central standings. They played on ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball last night. It’s the first time it’s been in Cincinnati in a very long time. Last night was about as large as a July ballgame gets. The Reds showed the nation that pitching, defense, and timely hitting are the best ways to build something special.

I think Friday and Saturday night’s games were additional evidence in this. I didn’t realize that the Reds basically have the finest defense in baseball. The starting pitching and bullpen have been phenomenal. It’s the hitting that has ran pretty hot-cold. And if you’re going to have one ingredient that is going to waiver with your ball club, I think you should want it to be the hitting. Everyone slumps. If you can keep pitching and defense from going into slumps you can manufacture enough runs to win. Especially in Great American Ball Park.

The Reds hitting will come around. I remember so many weekends where it wasn’t even fathomable to sweep the high and mighty St. Louis Cardinals. To even go into Sunday with a chance of a sweep was like playing in the Super Bowl. Last night, I expected the win. I knew Homer Bailey would pitch his ass off.

The Reds are going to win the division this year. They’re going to go to the NLCS. Believe it. Know it. Times might get ugly, but more often than not they’ll find a way (it doesn’t get much uglier than Scott Rolen winning one for you with an opposite field single).

This is the team that you waited since 1990 and 1995 for Cincinnati. Try to soak it in.

Filed Under: Cincinnati Reds, Rivalries, St. Louis Cardinals, sweeps Tagged With: ,

Johan Santana’s No-Hitter Highlights First June Weekend of 2012

June 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

8019 games, and all I could think about was no no-hitters.com. A guy who didn’t even pitch last year ends the futility.

It’s officially June, the weather is officially allowed to be smoking. It’s okay to turn on your air conditioning and if you had a summer diet planned there’s no more excuses, get going with it. Johan Santana threw a no-hitter on Friday night and struck out David Freese on his 134th pitch of the night to complete the first no-no in New York Mets history.

I had to get this in the blog’s archives somehow, it’s big time history and the fact that it went down in New York (and against St. Louis) makes it all the more special for the baseball romanticist.

The Cardinals spent the rest of the weekend trying to score one run, and they succeeded on Sunday. The Mets are up in this series 3-0 and hunting a sweep today.

Filed Under: History, New York Mets, No-hitters, St. Louis Cardinals Tagged With: ,

Steve Berthiaume: “Cincinnati Reds tried for Albert Pujols.”

April 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I’m going to have to credit a Cardinals blog with the assist on this one.

Last week on the Jonah Keri podcast, ESPN’s Steve Berthiaume (whom we love) was the guest. He spoke about the Cincinnati Reds coming thisclose to acquiring former Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols:

“I think, think they (the Reds) were a lot closer to getting Albert Pujols than anybody knows or anybody talked about. I think the Votto money was targeted for Pujols in the off-season and when that didn’t pan out that they said, OK, let’s keep our guy, let’s give it to Joey Votto. I think those two were more connected than anyone realizes.”

Alright, before you start with the ‘I don’t buy it’ business, remember that Berthiaume is way more connected than you or even I. I do buy it.

Look at the money the Reds gave Votto. I think there were rumblings in the Reds front office about going after Pujols. And I think that Walt Jocketty used Pujols as a way of convincing Bob Castellini that the Reds could write a contract like this up to begin with.

When the Reds missed the mark of how much Pujols wanted, those numbers still worked for the guy already under contract and all the Reds needed to do was change the name written on the deal. A right handed hitter like Pujols helps the Reds more than Votto does.

Filed Under: Cincinnati Reds, St. Louis Cardinals Tagged With: , ,
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