Our own t3bird04 is coming up in the world like a regular Tony Montana. In fact, we have some select footage of the Bird Man a few innings into Friday night’s contest on hand:
Bird was powered by the help of four stars on Friday evening. Aaron Nola, Aaron Sanchez, Chris Hermann, and Miguel Cabrera for some 96+ of Bird’s 118 total points; and three of those four were used by only him. That’s the kind of disparity you’re looking for, and it was good enough to get him into the winner’s circle with five points, firmly entrenched in the number two spot as two gents continue to separate themselves from the group.
The two losing gents; Jsquad34 and myself, had the same bad spot. We brought Amish whore Sonny Gray to the Gentleman’s Friday evening Gala with the thought of enjoying a few cocktails and wistfully looking at artwork; doing nice gentleman things with her. However Sonny; a true turd that no longer deserves to be rostered in any daily, weekly, yearly, or quantum-leap format in fantasy got tuned up by the Yankees in that outhouse of a stadium known as the Oakland Coliseum.
Swindaman3 had a really nice toilet play with Colby Lewis, who frustrated the hapless Houston Astros all evening long and collected him 29.35 points, and some props for using Colby Lewis in the first place. No one looked in that direction.
DStars45 rode the work of Derek Dietrich and Michael Conforto to a solid third place finish, helping keep some distance in between himself and cocaine-mountain flying t3bird.
Let’s get a look at our yearly standings, presented to you by Ted’s Montana Grill and Costco.
DStars45 – 30 points
t3bird04 – 28 points
Jsquad34 – 22 points
Swindaman3 – 21 points
Diamondhoggers – 18 points
And now, for a list of this week’s ‘Fantasy Players to Kill’. First, the yearly players whom have probably left your roto team with a gunshot wound to the head; and in critical condition. There’s a chance for survival but you will eating from a straw for the rest of your life and your memory is reduced to nursery rhymes you learned in second grade. Your front teeth are also removed if you owned some of these guys.
- Sonny Gray
- Justin Upton
- Jason Heyward (one damn home run, so funny)
- Matt Harvey
- Yordano Ventura
- Prince Fielder
- Lorenzo Cain
- All Kansas City Royals outside of Eric Hosmer
- Troy Tulowitzki
- Michael Brantley
- Dallas Keuchel (shave the fucking beard, you doofus)
- Adam Wainwright
- Giancarlo Stanton (was just brought to my attention he’s like 0 for his last 20-something)
- All guys named Carlos; except Rodon is okay this week.
- Bombshell…. BRYCE HARPER. If you’re not in a league that counts OB%, you are in a world of shit owning Harper lately.
- Joey Votto
- Tony Cingrani
And now for the weekly shitheads:
- Yoenis Cespedes
- Giancarlo Stanton
- Sonny Gray
- Jose Ramirez
- Anthony Rizzo
- Marcus Semien
- Francisco Cervelli
- Gerrit Cole
- Daniel Murphy
- Blake Swihart
- Houston Astros
- Marcus Semien
And now, a look at the weekly winner’s lineup card, our own t3bird04. As Swindaman3 pointed out, Miggy is clearly Bird’s wife for this week.
So, what will happen next week when we gather again? Can I make it three straight last place finishes? Will we have a new leader atop the standings? Can all five gents avoid a pitcher in the negative for the first time all year long? Will the bacon wrapped appetizers make all of our whores sick by the time the 10:00 games start? Will my wife tell me to go to bed early because we have to wake up early on Saturday morning and go to the zoo? Probably. But you must stay tuned because the answers are still unwritten….. in the Gentleman’s Cup Series 2016.