Category Archives: choking

I don’t think I trust Aroldis Chapman


I want this post to come with a disclaimer attached with it: I love Aroldis Chapman. I love him being on the Reds roster. I think he’s a dominating, imposing presence that is a once in a lifetime physical talent. He’s probably the hardest throwing pitcher in modern baseball history. AND he’s a lefty.

With all that said, I’ve got this feeling inside me that he’s going to be the one to stabs the knife in the Reds proverbial jugular in a big spot to end the season. I don’t know when it will be – I am not that good. I don’t get these feelings often, but when I do I usually end up being correct. Perhaps it’s in a one-game playoff. Perhaps it’s in a game they have to win to avoid the one game playoff. Maybe it’s in the NLDS. It’s coming.

I’ve watched baseball long enough to know that all closers blow saves. I’ll take Chapman over all but about four or five guys in the game. But he’s got this quality about him; this mysterious Cuban quality. That same kind of quality that Jose Mesa had when he was just due in the book of fate to come out empty-minded and blow game seven of the World Series for the Indians. There are some nights when Chapman is that same Hell-bent guy. When that Chapman shows up, the Reds are going to lose because he’s going to make sure of it. There’s no reversing it once it’s in effect.

I’ve seen him do it several times this season. The first time was May 19th in Philadelphia. Better known as Pastry-Gate. The second time was June 22nd on a Saturday night in Arizona. Jay Bruce hit two dramatic home runs and it should have went down as the Reds biggest win of the season. Chapman didn’t even record an out. The same guy was out July 29th in San Diego – didn’t even record an out.

And there he was last night in Milwaukee. The Reds are on their best roll of the season and traded leads with the Brewers all night. It should have went down as a win. Chapman didn’t record an out and blew the game.

For a guy with his stuff, this happens entirely too often which makes one wonder if the focus is there night to night. If you’ve read in-dept about the Cuban lefty, it would be hard to believe if he’s always thinking about hitter’s tendencies and the most efficient way to record three outs through the middle of an order.

For a team in the Reds position – a team jockeying for position and trying to stay hot – there’s nothing more deflating and demoralizing then one member of the roster taking a one directly from the win column and inserting it to the loss column. The closer is one of the only guys with the ability to do that. Chapman has gotten his entire baseball family ambushed a number of times this season, and my baseball senses it’s going to cost them in a big spot at some point.

Have a Nice Offseason, You Bald Dickhead

Fredi Gonzalez managed his way out of Miami, and now he’s managed his way out of an 8.5 game Wildcard lead. His ass-hattery botching of the Jason Heyward situation was beyond ridiculous, down to not even starting Heyward against a right-hander tonight. We credit Fredi with single handedly screwing up a superstar 21 year old.

All year long, Fredi Gonzalez thought he could outsmart everyone. Just like he did last year in Florida.While he was busy re-inventing the wheel, Tony LaRussa was managing like his hair was on fire. And as much as we don’t like the Cardinals, they deserve credit.

We don’t feel bad for Fredi. We feel bad for Chipper Jones. Uggla. Venters. Kimbrel. But not Fredi.

If Atlanta is smart they’ll keep searching for the Bobby Cox imcumbent because this guy proved he isn’t cut out for managing in the big leagues.

You guys aren't really gonna blow this, are you?

That’s what Sparky Anderson said to the Big Red Machine when they gave away some games in the standings late in the year so many seasons ago.

The Reds are five games up. There’s 22 left to play. They look tense, and they look like a team that hasn’t been here before. It’s time to let all that go and start playing one game at a time; like it’s the final game that you are going to play in your life. As I’ve stated so many times before, when your back is to the wall you’ve got to play with reckless abandon and aggression. Play like you’ve got nothing to lose. At some point you just have to say screw it and let it ride.

There’s no time to think about ‘what if you lose this one’. You think about history and tradition in this great game, and you think about the fact that this time the Reds belong, damnit. You think about pulling the rug from underneath St. Louis and saying not this time.

There’s no room for fear on this train ride. Only the thought of being mentioned with the likes of the most successful Reds teams in the modern era. Only thoughts of being enshrined in greatness forever, the 2010 Reds.

Buckle your chin straps for 22 more big ones. Scratch and claw for every out, every zero you can hang on the board. Fight tooth and nail for every inch, every run, and every edge be it mental or physical for 27 outs each night. You do that, and the rest takes care of itself.

Go out and fucking get it done, Cincinnati. This is a baseball town damnit, and this division is rightfully ours.

I do believe that was a Fantasy Baseball championship you cost me, Mr. Chamberlain

So the entire season I’m dominating my Yahoo Head-to-Head Fantasy Baseball league. I enter this end of the season horseshit tournament as the overwhelming #1 seed. All season long, my team dominated every single category except for the occasional slip up in which I’d only win 7 to 3 or 8-2 instead of 9-1 or 10-0 for the week.

I’m cruising right along and yesterday I need good starts from Adam Wainwright, Randy Wolf, and…….. Joba Chamberlain. Aparently, I should have left Joba out of things. I would have advanced to the championship round that I earned all season long. Instead, I’m left playing for 3rd place in my Yahoo Sports fantasy league.

Joba goes out yesterday and shits the futon. Wainwright and Wolf do their jobs. My team steals 2 bases on Sunday to tie that category, so all I need to do is catch my opponent in one pitching category. Due to Joba, it didn’t happen.

My team, which included Pablo Sandoval, Albert Pujols, Prince Fielder, Ryan Howard, Derek Jeter, Brandon Phillips (on the bench), Aaron Hill, Justin Upton, Hanley Ramirez, and every other fucking stud that plays the game; is now sitting at home. A great draft, great pickups, great lineup moves are all for naught because I lost 5-4 this past round. Now two boring teams are left playing for the gold.

People, listen to me. This is why you should never agree to do a Head to Head fantasy league, under any condition. You will waste your time. I’ll have you know that the true baseball knowledge shows in a rotisserie league that the categories are cumulative in all season long. That way you won’t get robbed by a fat toad like Joba Chamberlain in what was basically a tune-up start for him on the road in Seattle. I’m proud to say I’m going to win my 10-team Roto ESPN fantasy league. That will soften the blow a little bit. As for you Joba, thanks again.

The Legend of Justin Upton should continue to grow

Justin Upton likes hitting at Dodger Stadium it seems (remember his first career grand slam). In front of 45,211 he broke a few hearts and helped the Diamondbacks play major spoiler as baseball entered September.

Since returning from the DL, he’s homered in 3 straight ballgames; and is 12 for 21 with 8 runs, 6 RBI, and a stolen base. He’s hit in all six of those ballgames and is now hitting at a .312 clip on the year.

He’s the type of player that single-handedly wins ballgames for an organization. He can do it all, just ask George Sherrill, who gave up that missile into the left field bleachers last night at Chavez Rivine.

It’s just been a special year for Upton, and he’s been relatively hidden because he plays in Arizona. But as a baseball fan you have to be excited to spend a lot of summer days watching this kid get it done. He has talent that could rank him right up there with the legends and ghosts of this game. Trust us.

The ball, Harden.

Gimme the ball, Harden. Gather your shit; and get off my cock-sucking mound. Low down piece of dirty fuckbags. We go out and bring you in here, to the North side to help us win a fuckin’ championship and you join the rest of these fucking stiffs in embarrasing me. That’s right. Fucking flip the fucking ball at me like I’m some piece of shit maggot that doesn’t deserve your time. Just take the jersey off now. You’re not a member of this franchise anymore anyway. That’s right you’re done. You’ll be out of here soon enough, prick. Cause, I got news for ya Harden. You’re the fucking maggot. Not me. I’ve won postseason ballgames. I’ve been to the World Series. My dick didn’t invert when I played in October, either.

And what are you looking at over there Lee? You aged piece of cheese fucking boring garden variety shitbag? You think I need you in here for this meeting to kick Harden’s lousy ass off the field? No, I don’t. When I want to look like a cuntwrinkle in front of all these fans here in Los Angeles I’ll call you over and have a conversation with you. Wait for my signal. Oh….. wait….. here it is (exposes himself in the direction of Derek Lee).

Gimme the lefty…. Gimme the righty. Whatever-the-fuck I don’t care. (touches left arm and right arm simultaneously) I’d like to put Carlos Zambrano on one of those sticks that they barbecue a pig on. I’d like to stick an apple in his mouth and light fire underneath his yellow underbelly. I better stop thinking about this. I still have my grandchildren, my wife, my kids. They all love me. It doesn’t matter that we’re going to get swept again. It doesn’t matter (gnashing teeth) MOTHERFUCKBAG! WE’RE GOING TO GET SWEPT! YOU GOTTA BE FUCKIN KIDDIN ME SON! I WOULDN’T TRUST THIS TEAM TO SHAVE THEIR SCROTUM WITHOUT FUCKIN IT UP. (under breath) You let that jap go out and beat us like that. I wanna drive the team bus off a cliff tonight.

Here. Here’s the ball. Do something good with it dickhead (flips the ball to Micheal Wuertz). You sons of bitches really know how to make a pair of old man balls sweat good. I’m gonna fuck Soriano in his skinny black ass. Fuck this shit. Take this shit and fuck it. (Grabbs croch. Sniffs hand.)


So it doesn’t really look like that whole “We’re going to win the World Series and break the 100 years curse just in time” thing is gonna work out. How’s your sweep? Sucks Chicago. You got Torre’d right outta town. You became the 2nd NL team in the last 40 years to go into the postseason with the best record and be SWEPT. You didn’t win a game. And that’s 9 games in a row when it counts that you’ve shit down your leg.

So, no worries I guess. As long as you like losing huge games. I mean there’s always next year, and the next year, and the year after that. As long as you keep talking about winning the World Series and all the curses that come with it–how about trying to, uh; like win a postseason game? Lets start small here Cubbies. Baby steps for the incompetent. Did that gay little Goat Curse apply to League Division Series too? Oh, thats right. They didn’t have that back then. You guys just manage to fuck yourselves in the pants every year. Congrats on joining the rest of us fans of loser franchises. The only difference is your team does it on the grandest of stages!

Double the Fun You Spoilers

[Box Score]
The Reds played some spoiler tonight against the Milwaukee Brewers who entered the night 1 game behind the New York Mets in the Wildcard Race. The Reds homered 7 times in an 11-run outing, including 2 home runs from Jay Bruce and Joey Votto each. Both rookies are now on 21 home runs for the season. Bruce’s 2-run home run in the first inning represented the 100th hit of his career.

Ben Sheets: Does This Guy EVER Finish a Game?

So I’m watching the Brewers-Cubs game tonight, and all the hoopla leading up to it on ESPN. All the talk is how the Brewers have to have this one or it’s season over. Might as well sell the franchise to a new ownership group in Hartford if they don’t pull this one out and find a way to make the playoffs. Then Rick Sutcliffe and the like go into about how this is the biggest game of Ben Sheets career. The same Ben Sheets who has nasty shit and if he could manage to hold the tampon in long enough, would be in the Cy Young running and would be winning NL Comeback Player of the Year just like I said he would.

So I run to the store to get a few things.

I get back and hear in the background of the game while I’m putting the goods away, that Sheets had to leave the game. Isn’t this just typical Ben Sheets.

In the past few years now, Sheets has left 24 ballgames early due to ‘injury’. Here are some of the listed causes of SLE (Sheets Leaves Early):

-His thumb hurt
-Teeth rotting from too many candy apples the night before
-Turf toe
-Osgoods slaughter disease
-He felt woozy after sparring with Marvin Hagler
-Strep throat
-He wet his underwear after Lou Piniella scared him once

The Brewers fire Ned Yost for losing games. Understandable. In the offseason, the Brewers ownership should break their collective foot off in Ben Sheets’ ass for being a pussy.

Rascal Reds Win on Phillips Last Swing

[Reds 5, Brewers 4]
Last night I bet a few bucks to win a ton on the Tampa Bay Rays and the Cincinnati Reds. I grabbed both teams as underdogs because I thought it was a great bet. Cincinnati hits shitty pitchers like Jeff Suppan; and Tampa Bay needed that ballgame last night in Boston. Plus they had Scott Kazmir throwing for them and he’s been on fire lately. So how’d that game in Boston turn out for me? Huh? Two runs off Papelbon in the 9th frame at Fenway; to tie and win the game? I’d say that is a team playing like they need a ballgame. Good bet by me.

But then I needed the other domino to fall and of course the Reds would squander a 4-1 lead built by homers from Encarnacion and Bruce by allowing a 3-run homer to Ray Durham. Exit Jared Burton and a few innings later when I was fast asleep, Brandon Phillips delivers a big hit that breaks his hand and subsequently ends his season, wins my bet, and helps deliver the win for the Reds all in the same moment.

This is what it’s all about.

Milwaukee: How's your sweep?

We had to give a little mention tonight in the midst of all this trade deadline garble. There was an awfully big series going down the last few days in Milwaukee. They don’t play many of those, and for good reason. When the series began, the Brewers were 1 game back and had the Cubs coming into their house for four long days of Bernie Brewer sliding into the beer mug and the Brewers preparing their victory parade for the NL Pennant.

Well the Cubs won again today in dominating fashion and swept the four game series. They’re now 5 games up on the Brewers.

We were wrong about the Brewers. Man, were we wrong. The Cubs are the much better team, and it’s their division. Brewer fan, you can go back to telling America you got the best brats and dogs in the country–whatever helps you sleep at night, because your ball club just came in and shit the bed for the biggest series you’ve had in over a decade and may have just given away their season. You gotta live with that, not us.