2016 Season Predictions: MJ Lloyd

Here we go again, friends. It’s been a while. How are you? Sorry to hear about your grandma. I really thought she was going to get away with that bank robbery.

Alright, with the pleasantries out of the way, it’s time to get down to business. Major League Baseball is back. The Diamond Hoggers overlord has charged with me making my yearly predictions for the season. In the past, I’ve used projection systems in combination with my rudimentary expertise in baseball nonsense to develop some of the most godafully inaccurate predictions in this fine industry. That all changes this year.

Everybody has their favorite projection system. Maybe you’re a PECOTA guy. Perhaps you’re a Steamer gal. Some of you, looking at you Fangraphs, like a mix of ZiPS and Steamer. Others participate in the FANS projections. Or you do whatever it is ESPN does. It’s time for me to reintroduce a dormant projection system from my past. Long before there was an offbasepercentage.com, there was Monkeys Throwing Darts.

Forget everything you know about spreadsheets and data bases, I know I did. MTD 2.0 is bigger and more obnoxious than ever. For this year’s projections, I picked crumpled up pieces of paper out of a giant golden sombrero. Hooray science! Before we get started, I should note I made some tweaks like the big boys to ensure that the Braves wouldn’t win the World Series. But I’ll never divulge that part of the process. Get your own projection system.

NL East
NY Mets
Miami Marlins
Washington Nationals
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves

Notes: Tough break for the Nats but it’s easy to see Papelbon choking away some wins. The projection system apologizes for that joke.

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs
Milwaukee Brewers
Cincinnati Reds

Notes: MTD 2.0 didn’t take into consideration my collection of Kris Bryant autographs but did ding the Reds for Skyline Chili.

NL West
LA Dodgers
SF Giants
Arizona Diamondbacks
Colorado Rockies
SD Padres

Notes: Even number year but the Dodgers have Kershaw.

AL East
Boston Red Sox
NY Yankees
Toronto Blue Jays
TB Rays
Baltimore Orioles

Notes: I suppose any of the top four have a shot. And we wait to see how the O’s somehow ruin Manny Machado.

AL Central
Cleveland Indians
KC Royals
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Minnesota Twins

Notes: Hey, my projection system/sombrero doesn’t hate the Royals as much as every other one does. Maybe we’re on to something.

AL West
LA Angels
Texas Rangers
Houston Atros
Seattle Mariners
Oakland A’s

Notes: Even I don’t believe the Angels will win this division but that’s how the crumbled paper falls.

NL Wild Card
Pirates over Giants

Notes: Even year truthists weep.

AL Wild Card
Yankees over Rangers

Notes: The A-Rod tour gets weirder.

NLDS
Cards over Pirates
Mets over Dodgers

ALDS
Yankees over Angels
Indians over Red Sox

NLCS
Cards over Mets

ALCS
Yankees over Indians

World Series
Cardinals over Yankees

Notes: I guess my dream scenario would be A-Rod hitting a game tying home run to send game seven into extra innings and later strikes out to lose the game. It would sum up his career perfectly.

NL MVP
1. Paul Goldschmidt
2. Kris Bryant
3. Bryce Harper
4. Buster Posey
5. Andrew McCutchen

Notes: MTD 2.0 doesn’t care if you make the playoffs.

AL MVP
Mookie Betts
Josh Donaldson
Carlos Correa
Manny Machado
Mike Trout

Notes: It’s unlikely in any scenario that Trout falls out of the top two in MVP voting since it’s never happened before. I could certainly see Betts taking the next step up though.

NL Cy Young
Madison Bumgarner
Stephen Strasburg
Noah Syndergaard
Jake Arrieta
Clayton Kershaw

Notes: As with Trout, Kershaw out of the top two seems unlikely but the sombrero wants what the it wants.

AL Cy Young
1. Corey Kluber
2. Dallas Keuchel
3. Chris Sale
4. David Price
5. Chris Archer

NL ROY
Trea Turner
Steven Matz
Corey Seager

Notes: Seems like Seager’s award to lose Maybe the Nats eventually realize Trea Turner is good.

AL ROY
Jose Berrios
Ian Snell
Byron Buxton

Notes: The Twins also have Max Kepler to round out a solid chance at taking home this award.

Well, that’s it. The napping hat has spoken. Go watch baseball.