Splinter from the Ninja Turtles will be at Yankee Stadium tonight!


I’m going to spend some quality time with my wife tonight, and for the first time this season we’re going to watch her Yankees. I’m not particulary thrilled about having to watch the Yanks minus Jeter, or a true ace on the bump. There’s just not much to keep my interests.

And THEN I see who is pitching for the Seattle Mariners. I don’t mean to interrupt quality baseball posts with this nonsense that further fills the endless space of the internet, but doesn’t Hisashi Iwakuma look like Splinter? I have always thought that. Besides, this guy has received zero run-time and features some of the best stuff in baseball through 8 starts this year.


Nastiest splitter in the game, rat-faced Iwakuma (a valuable member of my fantasy team) brings his 0.74 WHIP and 6.38 K to BB ratio into Yankee Stadium. Most likely so that my wife’s Yankees can shit all over him. Ol’ Splinter here better have packed enough wise advice for himself and his four sons. He’s going to need it tonight, because regression is coming and Hell’s coming with it!

Didn’t Michealangelo and the rest of the turtles live in a sewer in New York City? Yes, I am screwed up.