Brian Moehler is so damn bad

I’ve long often said that Jay Bruce is the best hitter in baseball and Brian Moehler was one of the worst pitchers I’ve been obtain a roster spot in my lifetime. That stint may very well be over forever.

Jay Bruce fucked all over GABP tonight courtesy of Mr. Moehler. I love how after he hits that second bomb, he just sets the fucking bat down like he’s just fucked Moehler’s wife on Moehler’s dinner table.

It’s Great to be an American on Memorial Day Weekend

When I was a kid the only holidays that I gave a shit about were Christmas and Thanksgiving. Those were the ones where I left with keepsakes. I guess Easter was in there too, but a far-behind third.
Memorial Day to me was heading over to grandma’s to meet up with a small part of the family and watching a bunch of elders argue about meaningless shit and eat egg salad sandwiches (and I hated them too). I was too young to appreciate the fruits that this country bears us, and it wasn’t like 4th of July where you get to watch shit explode and throw party poppers at girls.

The one thing I always liked about Memorial Day was that ESPN always put baseball on all day long. There was nothing better as a kid. It usually came on the heels of a weekend that I would play in 4 or 5 games myself. I was in heaven in that aspect.

Now that I’m a big boy–and by big boy I should clarify–a 27 year old who stays up til almost 4 am on some work nights because I cannot pull myself away from Playstation 3 or MLB the Show 10; I realize that Memorial day is what it’s all about.
While this country isn’t perfect and I’ll stop short of offending my readers who like the ‘leader’ of the country; it’s still a pretty damn good place to be.

When my team loses, I get on twitter and I bitch about it. I come on this blog and I say what I want and I vent until I am no longer angry. It seems like the worst thing in the world that day, that Coco Cordero couldn’t get 3 outs to send my whiny little ass home happy in the 9th or that Jay Bruce or Scott Rolen wore the collar. You know what? There’s bigger problems in the world. People died so I could act like a big whine-baby over something as simple as a baseball game. When I think about that–and it does cross my mind on weekends like this one–I feel like a dumb ass.

But that’s what makes this country great. I won’t go all cliche but the men who died for our freedom so we could sit in the sun, watch baseball, have cookouts, and lay by the pool with a cool drink doesn’t go without notice by me. Let this post signify my appreciation for the guys a lot braver then I am for giving me those freedoms. Shit, we couldn’t have enough Memorial Days. I say let’s have one each quarter.

I’m only kidding.

Summer is officially kicked off. Veteran fans like to say that standings and stats don’t count until Memorial Day; so we’re about there. And hey, what do you know? My team is in first.

I’m damn supportive of the troops and I’m glad to be an American, especially on this weekend. So when I drink a cold beer or two, or a spiked iced tea, I am so very glad that I was blessed enough to be born in this country that’s a little bit like me. A work in progress that is still a hell of a thing to be part of.

Happy Memorial Day. Be safe out there Hoggers.

Are you happy Toronto Won?

Something about this game definitely belonged on this blog a long time ago. One of the most hideous fucking baseball video games of all time, Sports Talk Baseball for the Sega Genesis. You might remember this gem of a title because of it’s more famous cousin, Joe Montana’s Sports Talk Football.

They’re equally fucking hideous, with the one consistent factor in the game being the old man who grumbles out such lovely audibles like “A BEAUTY!” after kick-offs and “he throws to first, he throws ta second, throws ta first, OFF THE WALL!”

The legendary voice that was why they coined the name of the game has been named by my friends and I, Lon Palasky. And if you want to ask why, it is because he looks like a Lon Palasky (see above).

You know, I was so excited to get this game as a kid. I remember the day I got to rent it (back then I was really upset that my parents wouldn’t just buy it for me) and I put it in the Sega Genesis. I ended up getting drilled like 14-1 by someone, I took the San Diego Padres. I had a home run with the Crime Dog Freddy McGriff. I actually thought it was the most lifelike game ever created back at the time.

Look at those penis dives in the video. Love how the Canuck doing the review (he’s into the game still it seems) attempts to sell us on the fact that “you can win a game with Taranta’s defense by isolating your opponent”. Dude, give me a break. It’s a shitty fuckin’ game and the designers didn’t know dick about attributes. They knew three things: speed guy, power guy, and slap guy. And good for them on that one.

If you ever had the chance to play this game, you will enjoy this video. Afterall, it is a game we loved as kids. And the commentary in this by that Canuck is correct, the old man does try to fit everything in during his anouncing of the game and he gets all backed up. That’s what made it so hideous. And Toronto Won! And look at that hideous Sega Genesis graphics pic of Dave Stieb! It’s terrible!

“TIME OUT! TIME OUT! TIME OUT!”

Reds roll the Pirates on Jay Bruce Day

Jay Bruce knows May 27 is Jay Bruce Day

Jay hit a 408 foot home run in the first inning off Charlie Morton. It was his first home run in about a month (April 29). If you want to see it, click here.

“Two years ago today, I got called up. Last year, I hit two homers on May 27 and this year I hit one. May 27 is a pretty good day. Johnny was pitching too.” — Jay Bruce, postgame interview.

Our boy is now hitting .291/.423/.405 in the month of May. I fully expect his slugging percentage to increase and I wonder he can keep up a .423 OBP. If he does, you have a full-fledge superstar on your hands. The kind a pennant winning team hitches their wagon to. Long ways to go, but he made huge strides this month and continued hitting the ball hard. Despite a couple of K’s he still added a double later in the game.

Reds take 3 of 4 from Pirates

This is the first time since the middle of 2006 that we’ve been 8 games over .500, and man does it feel good. The Reds needed 3 of 4 from the Pirates and that’s exactly what they did. They now enter the weekend playing the Houston Astros for three while the Cardinals battle the Cubs. This series is paramount because it will allow the Reds to gain ground on someone behind them. Things are setting up nicely if the Reds can handle their business at home. Something they’ve done 17 times in 27 tries thus far this season.

Rolen & Cueto

Rolen equals his home run total from last year. Please, just stay healthy Scott. Playing like he’s 24 again. That 3-run home run in the first inning was the catalyst for the entire evening (after of course Orlando Cabrera getting on base again to lead off a ballgame).

Johnny Cueto is 5-0 with a sub-1 ERA in his last 5 starts. The guy is absolutely dominating right now. He’s unhittable, and if his arm doesn’t fatigue again he is the type of guy who you could see becoming a household name around the National League. He’s delivering on the promise that a lot of scouts were talking about when he first came up.

I guess I did see Barry Bonds homer

I’ve always told people in conversation that while I saw Bonds play live by my count three times–that I never saw him homer. This isn’t accurate. I did see it as a 14 year old kid. On fall Sunday in September of 1996 I went to see Eric Davis play at old Riverfront Stadium. Eric was wrapping up his final days as a Cincinnati Red that month in his second stint. I remember I made an old poster board and sat up in right field in the second deck with my dad and my Uncle.

And thus is why I love Baseball-Reference.com, other then it’s the best site to spend all day on to kill time at work.

Earlier today after reading the Red Letter Days article from the 1987 Sports Illustrated (cover Eric Davis) I wanted to remember that day that my father and I ventured to see Eric play. He wasn’t the Eric that we’d seen as a kid, but he made a comeback and was hitting near .300 that year. He finished with 26 home runs. My sign said in big red marker: “ERIC DAVIS, 1996 COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR”.

And on that day in 1996 I saw Barry Bonds hit the 329th home run of his big league career off Dave Burba.

Managing in the Giants dugout that day? Dusty Baker. Man this game has a history and a memory for a fan with nearly every box score and statistic that exists. You can almost get lost in an afternoon of your life in it. And that’s why I love it.

Twitter Jim Day is in fact, THE real Jim Day

For all those scoundrels out there that have decided to heckle the bejesus out of our non-hetero post-game anchorman on twitter you’d better knock it off. First off, that’s our job. Second off, we’ve determined after intense and scrutinizing comparative data; JimDayTV is definitely THE REAL Jim Day!

If you venture to his website and read ‘About Jim’, you can find a biographical blurb written by old JD himself. He begins:

Jim Day began his professional career in 1988 when he was a punk college kid who wanted to jump-start his career early. The move paid off.

Despite working 50 hours a week and carrying a full load of classes his senior year, Jim managed to graduate (see cheating in the Dictionary).

LOLZ! I’ll tell you this Jim Day is a real kidder folks. Such a card! No one mixes in a little well-timed dental humor like our Reds-live postgame host!

It gets better

Day is a native of Westerville, Ohio and Westerville South High School. Having grown up a Reds and an Ohio State fan in Columbus, Jim feels he has the right to make pointed comments (see butt whipping above). Jim currently lives in a van down by the river.
To that, I’d say that I’m from the area. Nothing good has ever came out of Westerville, Ohio. Not Andy Katzenmoyer. Not Dan O’ Brien. And not Jim Day. And that last little line you dropped in there couldn’t have been less funny, JDPANTOFF.

So for you simpletons out there that would blame someone within our human race for creating a fake Jim Day twitter account, shame on you. Not only do tweets like this one (throws in that innocent, playful dental humor) prove it’s indeed the real fucking Jim Day; but who would ever wanna pretend to be this guy?

Like a commenter put it, he reminds you of someone who is paid to entertain an old folks home for an afternoon. Not mixing in playful puns and cheesy, rhyming word plays after your team loses a heartbreaking game.

Last night a friend called me to tell me that I missed a gem of a JD appearance on the pre-game show. Of course last night was “Bark at the Park” night at the ballpark. Aparently, (and I will need to see footage to confirm it true) Jimmy boy was interviewing dogs who were at the park. My buddy did an impression of JD interviewing “Jackson” the dog.

I usually wouldn’t believe it. It has to be one of my buddies fucking with me. However, this is the kind of technique and mic-antics that JD has displayed since 2000. Only guy in the room who thinks it’s funny.

If the Reds win the division they need to up the ante of not just the lineup and bullpen. Give Piecoro a raise and never let the Westerville grad near the television screen again.

Cardinals fan: Division is Reds’ for the taking

Not sure if this was meant to be a reverse-jinx or anything; and believe us we’re nuts enough about sports to try everything into tricking the sports Gods, but we got an interesting e-mail from a Cardinals fan today:

Not to sound like a jerk or anything, but I have said all along that I had no concern about the Cardinals winning the division.
Well, I was wrong.
We all vastly overrated this team. They are dead in the water. They are not in a slump, they just aren’t that good the lineup is flawed with WAY too many K’s. Pujols has elbow, back, knee problems and looks like an average baseball player. Holliday has killed this team, no other way to put it. Failure after failure. more than anything, they strike out at an alarming rate, are TERRIBLE baserunners and the numbers prove it, and are shockingly poor fundamentally, especially for a Cardinal team that prides itself on the opposite.the pitching is the best it’s been in years.
while we wait for offense, what will more than likely happen is the pitching staff will wilt, and then they will have a prolonged losing streak. could be an ugly summer in StL the division is there for the taking. You (Reds) may have a 4-6 game lead by the time you leave StL next week enjoy it.
We email back: ‘Is this a trick’
He responds:
not at all. I am serious. None of you probably watched the Cards in SD the last 2 nights, but I live in Cali so it’s not too late for me. they look horrid. the baserunning last night was atrocious. they’ve let Jerry Hairston beat them with HRs 2 nights in a row, wasting Wainwrights best stuff ever, and yet another amazing start from Jaime Garcia and his 1.14 era.they look so frustrated, and Tony is about to explode. you can feel some ugliness coming.
While I appreciate the acknowledgement that the Reds are also in this division; I’d like to introduce my good friend; Cardinals Fan, to my other three friends.
Cardinals fan, please meet space bar, period, and capital letter. The ‘ugliness coming’ just may be your grammar.

Throwing it around

Big thursday here on the blog as we celebrate Jay Bruce Day. Reds are a game in first place, that feels damn good. I wish my fantasy team was hitting. Guys like Mauer, Lind, Justin Upton, Prince, Bruce, are yet to get truly hot. If that ever happens I would win my league for the second year running.

Here’s the baseball links of the day:

-Walt Jocketty’s first round draft history. [Red Reporter]
-Ozzie Guillen got into it with Joe West yesterday. [Inside the White Sox]
-Stephen Strasburg’s first Major League game is coming soon. [National Journal]
-Carl Crawford or Jayson Werth? I’m going with Crawford. [Extra Bases]
-The Red Sox somehow swept the mighty Rays. [Red Sox Monster]
-A Strasburg rookie card is going for $17K on eBay. [USA Today Daily Pitch]
-A new diet fad, the Public Humiliation Diet. [Deadspin]
-Andre Ethier should be back on Monday to continue after a Triple Crown. [Y! Sports Rumors]

Someone misplaced their nuts in the offseason

Nick Masset had the kind of year last year out of the pen setting up Coco that made us forget about trading a future Hall of Famer in Ken Griffey Jr. pretty quickly. Like, in a matter of seconds quickly. It looked like we had a future closer on our hands and a guy who would provide stability in the bullpen for years to come.

I was at a few games live and Masset’s 97 MPH fastball was on display along with a hammer of a curveball and a few other pitches he threw for strikes. Trust me, to say it was absolutely filthy wasn’t doing it justice.

This year, it’s another story. The guy is throwing balls down the middle of the plate and walking people in the most crucial of situations. He’s sporting a 32/13 K to BB ratio right now and has given up 28 hits and four home runs in 21 innings pitched.

It would appear to me that Dusty Baker is going to force-feed Masset to us in situations that the game is on the line. The hell with Arthur Rhodes allowing less growth on the basepaths then a drought produces, we’re gonna continue to let Masset be the set-up guy for Cordero.

Masset figures to have about 50 innings left to throw this season give or take if things go as they usually do. We need this guy to get it together and quickly. The biggest thing we see watching the games on an almost nightly basis is Masset is nibbling too damn much to the first hitter or two and then as soon as he gives up a hit he’s really nibbling.

Nick, find your sack again for us all and start retiring hitters. It’d be one thing if you didn’t have the stuff like Mike Lincoln. You’ve got Cy Young shit, son. Stop being a pussy and go right after the first hitter you face every inning with that fastball from Hell and fucking hammer 6-12 curve! Get it done!

Some Insanity concerning Ubaldo Jimenez

When we stop to talk about a single player on a team other then the Reds or an immediate opponent, you know something insane is going on. That insanity is how un-hittable Ubaldo Jimenez has been this year.
Thus far in the 2010 season Ubaldo has faced 267 batters. Of those 267 batters, seven of them have scored. Seven! His numbers right now sit at: 9-1, 0.88 ERA and 0.93 WHIP.
Guy is just going bananas right now and others who follow the game are taking notice.
Ubaldo has reached the Pantheon.

A Day in Honor of Jay Bruce

Two years ago today Jay Bruce made his Major League debut. And we went ahead and took it a step too far as usual by declaring that May 27th and every May 27th Jay Bruce day around Major League Baseball.

He celebrated his first day in the big leagues by going 3 for 3 with two walks. Last year he homered twice, tripled and drove in five. What he’ll do tonight is anyone’s guess, but if you’re in Vegas I’d play RED 32 on the wheel because May 27th is just a special day. It’s Jay Bruce’s day.

As for The Beaumont bomber himself, Yahoo! Sports sums is up pretty well how he’s playing right now.

The Reputation: More name value than actual substance, Bruce is nowhere near the player he was hyped to be.

Bruce, who can most likely be had on the cheap as long as you’re not playing with Redlegs fans, is closer to fulfilling expectations than most realize. As in, any moment now. Since mid-April, he’s racked up a .310 average – he was a .308 hitter in the minors – and has offset 29 strikeouts with 21 walks. The power has lagged behind (he’s yet to go yard in May) but he’s doing everything else, recording seven doubles, three triples and a very surprising five stolen bases on the season. If there’s one thing we could count on heading into the year, it was that Bruce was a lock for 20 HRs, and now that he’s finally becoming a dual-category threat and has a surprisingly potent supporting cast surrounding him, he has top-15 outfielder potential hitting in the Great American Launching Pad. I smell a homer barrage coming.

So maybe he hasn’t homered in a month. He’s just a ballplayer. Tonight’s the night. Thanks for two great years in the big leagues Jay.
A comparison of Jason Heyward and Jeff Francoeur “Both were first-round draft picks from the Atlanta suburbs, both right fielders. Both hit home runs in their first big-league games, each against the Cubs. Both were given the Sports Illustrated treatment in the early days of their rookie seasons. But if you ask in the Braves’ clubhouse about further similarities between Jeff Francoeur and Jason Heyward, you won’t find many.” [AJC.com]