As if this should have been any type of side note post to begin with; this thing should have headlined the site the day it happened. But it is now well official.
The Henchmen are 2009 Die Hard Bleacher Bum League Champions.
That’s it motherfucker. Read it a few times and let it sink in. For the second time in now a decade, I’ve won a fantasy league on ESPN that was chalked full of quality competition. And I did it in dominating fashion taking down 86.5 overall points in the 10-team, 10-category ROTO league. To translate for you laymen who don’t know the vocabulary; I beat peoples ass all year long. Last year’s league winner failed to clear 70 points. This year, the Henchmen ran away with it and left the competition holding their dick.
So I want to give a special thanks to the men who went to battle with me and for me every day for the past season. Just a few in passing: Joe Mauer, Prince Fielder, Robinson Cano, Jay Bruce, Nick Swisher, Justin Upton, Nelson Cruz, Miguel Cabrera, Marco Scutaro, Dan Uggla, Troy Tulowitzski, Rajai Davis, Denard Span, Juan Pierre, Mike Lowell, Juan Rivera, and Carlos Pena. The pitchers of note for The Henchmen? CC Sabathia, Jair Jurjens, Cole Hamels, Chris Carpenter, Fernando Rodney, Heath Bell, Huston Street, Jonathan Papelbon, Ricky Romero, Kevin Gregg, and a few other scrubs I threw in there to start last minute who aren’t worth mentioning. Everyone else, we didn’t get your ring size so you won’t be receiving a ring at the ceremony.
Back in 2002 when I first tasted glory, I was supposed to receive a t-shirt or mug or something commemorating my victory on the ESPN league, which back then was an affair that you had to pay to play. I never received shit; the only thing I have to show for it is a mark on my profile that I won an ESPN Fantasy Baseball League in 2002. That’s fine. I’d much rather just beable to make a post on my baseball blog talking about all the unreal moves I made to win such a league against such a competitive field of horse shit owners.
So Henchmen, good work. But we’ve got a lot of things to take care of if we’re going to make 2010 a success. So don’t celebrate too hard. Back to having a real life now.