We do not like the new S100 Rawlings helmets

So you’ve probably heard the groundbreaking news that worked its way out today. The minor leagues will switch to the new Rawlings S100 batting helmet for the 2010 season.

We think they’re ugly. And players have been playing without them for over a century. How many have died? We understand protecting the investment. But this is just getting out of hand here. Hopefully enough MLB players speak out and they just leave the damn helmets the way (or as close to as possible) they were when we were growing up in the 80’s.

Reaction to Josh Hamilton's supposed 'relapse'

We been gone a long time and we’re finally feeling at home again in the blog world. Several weeks back a post ran on our favorite sports blog Deadspin, and it was about an athlete who we respect and admire very much.

It was titled “The Devil is Still in Josh Hamilton”. We almost e-mailed the editor of the blog and asked them to change it, but since we know how Deadspin runs their shit, we figured we’d save the keystrokes.

It was saddening to us, but also revealing all in the same. Josh Hamilton is no different then you or I. He’s human, he just happens to have Hall of Fame talent and a lightning bolt in the form of a baseball bat when he’s up at the plate.

We know he’s a God fearing man, and that the Devil is not in Josh Hamilton. But we worried that maybe, just maybe he’d never be able to shake his addictions or put together anything sustained at the Major League level despite all of his amazing talents. Hamilton is once again proving some doubters wrong.

Hamilton in the middle of a very tough year, and struggling with injuries and a batting average in the .220’s when the article ran. That’s no more now. He’s hitting .266 at the time of this post and has raised his average over 40 points since the Deadspin article ran.

We just wanna say that Hamilton is a hero still to us and many others out there. What he has overcame is the most amazing story we’ve followed in the sport in over 25 years of being a fan. We wish he was still in Cincinnati and cannot help but always wish him well when we search out his name in the box score. You have to love the guy because he’s not just a good human being, but because he’s just human like the rest of us. The fact that he’s a superstar in a professional sport shouldn’t make it more wrong if he has a setback in his personal life, should it? But it’s the way of the world today all in the same, we suppose.

Yeah but; what is your alternative?

It’s purely amazing sometimes to see what individuals out in the world are Google searching for. And I must admit that when I don’t know how long to boil a vegtable, or; like what to do in certain situations Google is my best friend. But who’d have thunk it that a simple post many moons ago about Anal Fissures, Steve Phillips, and Kaz Matsui would still be garnering us some hits?

And of course it was a foreigner.

There's a silver lining in everything, folks

Last weekend we were out east in Connecticut for an engagement reception. We drank wine until the white wine ran out. Then we swilled some red until we could no longer stand up. Not a great idea. The Sunday following we were being driven to Laguardia Airport and we felt some dark forces creep over us. Was it the legendary red wine hangover from Hell that is often talked about? Maybe a little. But more then that it was when we looked up and to our left, Citi Field was off in the horizon.

That field is the Devil. Because on July 11th, that is the battle ground where our fallen hero took his last steps on a ball field. Citi Field, and the God forsaken Mets robbed us of our one special thing in this shitty and disasterous baseball season. It took away our pride. Forever, Citi Field will remain the darkest place known to man (except Fenway) in Major League Baseball for this reason.

But not even Citi Field and all the tennis sweater faggots on the East coast can keep a good man down. Behold:

RF Jay Bruce seemed like a pretty happy dude this morning. After he got the all-clear from Dr. Tim Kremchek following his Friday exam, Bruce was allowed to pick up a bat and start swinging again.

“I hit soft tosses with my bat,” Bruce said. “If everything feels good [Monday], I will hit off of a pitching machine and then BP. We’ll see how it all progresses and go from there. It’s coming along great though.”

There is still no ETA for a return to the lineup. Bruce hasn’t played since he fractured his right wrist on July 11 in New York. He aims to come back some time next month. Still in question is whether he’d be able to get out on a rehab assignment with Triple-A Louisville before their season ends.

We’ve pretty much given up on seeing Jay Bruce take anymore cuts at big league pitching this season. But they’re saying there’s a chance! And we’ll hang onto that sliver of dignity for as long as we possibly can (you know us). What really sucks is the Reds are in the middle of a double header today in Pittsburgh, which would have been an excellent chance for Bruce to pad his stats all day long–even Drew Stubbs got a few knocks.

And what do you know? Our little blogger hiatus just might be coming to an end as well. Or so you all hope.

Only thing I need to worry about locatin’ anymore is some wet pootwah

Did you hear that paw? That’s right. Those So-Cal faggots came rolling into town from that ‘soon to be part of the ocean’ city out west and I showed them a little somethin’ about Cowboys in the Midwest.

I got a piece of all their asses. I fucked Manny. I fucked Kemp. I fucked Casey Blake. I fucked Furcal. I fucked Ethier, twice.

Did someone say these guys were going to go to the World Series? Maybe the World Series of licking my asshole……while my feet are propped on a piano.

I wanna scalp Tommy Lasorda’s pretty little silver-haired head with my buckskin knife. I wanna use Kirk Gibson’s mouth as my toilet. I wanna bang Fernando Valenzuela’s pretty little seniorita daughter so hard that she sings a cantada. I just took Dodger history and pissed all over it for 8 innings baby. The Homer Bailey Express is the truth. It is both the question, and the answer.

Do you know how moist it makes a woman to walk out to the mound in the 8th fuckin frame after throwing 98 missiles; and get the best hitter out with two guys on? There was pussy waiting for me in a Longaberger basket when I got back to the lockerroom after the game. That’s right doggy.

It’s Homer’s time! And Homer’s going to relish in the glory! Now bend over, you cheap thrill. FIYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Can the Big Donkey hit .300?

This is the first season since Adam Dunn was a rookie that we didn’t own him in fantasy baseball. It just would have been too painful. And wouldn’t you know that he would go out and have a career year in style?

Dunn at the moment is OPSing at a .998 rate, with 33 home runs and 89 RBI. But the real caveat to Dunner’s statistical season is that he’s hitting .286 for that paltry Washington Nationals squad. That’s a terrible lineup that provides opposing pitching staffs little reason to give Dunn anything to hit at all. The guy still goes out, plays every day, hits his arcade video game-style bombs, and manages to hit nearly .300 until late in the season.

That silence you hear is all of the turds who always talk about what a one-dimensional player Adam Dunn is. Where are you now you know-nothings? We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. Adam Dunn is going to be a Hall of Famer years down the road. Any Reds fans who didn’t want him in Cincinnati this season, let me know how it is watching Darnell McDonald and Drew Stubbs play out the string in the outfield. Sure is fun isn’t it?

Rock on, Dunner.

Rajai Davis helps run down dreams

I’m here today to talk about Rajai Davis, one of the finest and most magical fantasy baseball acquisitions I’ve had in years. I guess I’m not that excited about him anymore now that I realize he’s been through a few organizations and at 28, he’s no spring chicken.

But a few weeks ago when I was stuck in third place, I had to find an outfielder to replace Jay Bruce/Justin Upton/Nelson Cruz who were all on the DL because we wrote posts like this one about them. And Rajai Davis was there to quench that thirst. Ever since Rajai has joined the Henchmen, things have been looking on the up and up. I’ve now obtained 76.0 points and the leader sits at 76.5 during press time of this post. With Rajai going 3 for 5 and stealing a base or two what seems like every other night, I’ll get there.

I’ve abandoned the past philosophy that I used to love of finding every power hitter that I could and stockpiling them. I look for multiple qualities and balance in the players I acquire now. Hardly a novel concept in fantasy baseball, but there are guys that play who continually search out one category like I used to continually search out blonde women. I am not that way anymore, and Rajai Davis is the proof in the pudding.

We’ll keep you posted, but don’t be surprised if Rajai is hoisting the goods for the Henchmen come October 3rd.

I'm a good looking motherfucker, and damnit; people love us

You might notice the new Diamond Hoggers logo atop the site. You know, people will surprise you everyday. Especially people who are Phillies fans.

Out of the kindness of his heart, reader Kirk V. sent us the graphic designs and he really did a bang up job. If we were anywhere near South Street right now, we’d buy him some Jim’s wherever he prefers his cheesesteak.

We told him the very least that we could do was a post to thank him. When asked who his favorite team was, he gave us a Diamond Hoggers type answer:

I’m a huge fan of the World Fucking Champion Philadelphia Phillies!

So here it is. Look, we weren’t thrilled when the Phillies won the World Series. But there’s worse things you’d have to look at then Charlie Manuel’s gut stuffed in a World Champs t-shirt. Like Charlie Manuel’s old man ass. Or Charlie Manuel’s diaper when its soiled. You get the picture.

Bottom line, our readers are the best folks in the world. Baseball fans are good people. You don’t see this kind of shit going on with soccer. We share a bond. Thank you for your continued support of Diamond Hoggers.

The real secret behind the first Yankee dynasty?

So we got to thinking the other day when Thurman Munson got some headlines, since it’s been 30 years since his tragic airplane accident.

First off, we’ve got some ties to Munson indirectly. One of our best friends is a lifelong Canton, Ohio resident. Former teammate of ours in fact. In talking to his father who is around Munson’s age, he knew of him well. Munson was a hometown hero that never forgot about his roots. When you travel to Canton and talk to those that knew him, there’s a lot of stories.

One of those stories involves the man this post is about. His name was Boot Butrey. He’s forever buried in the annals of baseball history, but he indeed holds his place. A Google search of Boot will not turn up anything significant, and in fact there is no trace of his name on the internet. Boot isn’t the type of guy who probably ever wanted to end up on the internet anyway. But as of today he’s achieved that.

We first heard of Boot when we were playing with our teammate Mike. No clue how it came up. But he talked of this guy who was childhood friends with Thurman Munson who used to travel with the Yankees. George Steinbrenner loved the guy so much that he ended up giving Boot a spot on the payroll to entertain his squad. In several books, Boot is mentioned in an unnamed manner as the guy who ate beer cans and performed sideshow acts in the Yankee clubhouse to keep the team loose. But that just scratches the surface of this crazy fucker.

Tales will vary depending on who you ask, but one thing remains the same. Boot Butrey was a human anomaly when it came to consumption of well, anything.

Not only could this specimen take down a case of beer without throwing up, but he did it differently then you and I would. He would take a case of beer, eat every can and eat the box that it came in.

Another story of Boot? Well he was known to order a large pizza and instead of opening of the box and eating the pizza piece by piece, the son of a bitch would eat the pizza in the box. Now why the fuck would anyone do that? Because Boot could.

Our friend Mike was telling us that there was this steakhouse in Canton who had a special offer. If you could eat a 60 ounce steak at this place, your meal was on the house. If you couldn’t finish every bite of what amounted to an entire fucking cow, you had to foot the hefty bill. That steakhouse ran up against the wrong buzzsaw when Boot Butrey sat down and tied his napkin on. He did this so many times with ease, that the restaurant was concerned with him putting them out of business or causing them to lose money. It was a wise concern and Boot was told he was no longer welcome.

If you ever talk to anyone who was part of those mid 70’s Yankees teams and ask them about the legend himself, they’ll surely know of Boot. Everything he did was about mass consumption. It’s a damn shame that he never made it to Brooklyn for a hot dog eating contest or that competitive eating hadn’t made its way into this world in Boot’s era, or he might have had the fame he so deserved.

As fate would have it, Boot died of a heart attack many years ago. When you spend your life eating beer cans, light bulbs, glass, and pizza boxes; basically treating your body like an ashtray, you don’t last forever. This larger then life character lives on forever in the history of the New York Yankees and Canton Ohio’s lore.

And he lives on with my friends and I. After a long drunken night in which we’d go to our fraternity house basement, we’d retreat to the basement and eat everything in site. One night our buddy Mike from Canton ate something like 7 cordon bleu’s, 5 bags of Doritos and anything else he could get his hands on. He summed it up with one simple phrase.

“How’s your Boot Butrey?”

Boot, if you’re up in Heaven with Babe Ruth and Dimaggio and all the other Yankee Ghosts eating cue balls and starfish, we salute you brother.

By our count: 3 weeks down, 3 to go

Time never went by so slowly. But it won’t be long. By the time football season kicks off, maybe; just maybe Jay Bruce will be taking swings again at a Major League ball park near you.

This little nugget gave us some hope:

Bruce will wear that cast on his non-throwing arm for another 10 days before he is evaluated again. “I’m pretty much back to normal activity as far as physical stuff — throwing, running, lifting,” Bruce said on Tuesday. “I’m just getting ready so when I do get the cast off, the only thing I’d have to do is get my arm ready and not anything else.” Bruce was hoping for a September return if his rehabilitation continued to progress without complications.

If you’ve seen the Reds offense lately, you realize that they need Jay Bruce back not only this year but in the long-term future. The dependence is going to be there. Bruce’s 18 home runs still lead the team and there’s a 50/50 chance that when he returns he might still be leading the team. That’s no compliment to this year’s squad.

We’d just like to see Jay get back and hit 4 home runs before the season’s final game so he can top his rookie total of 21. At this point, we’re just hoping for baby steps. Keep on workin’ Jay. Diamond Hoggers is not the same without you.