Come ‘ere ugly, I wanna show ya how to dance bending over


Did ya hear that paw? I’m gettin’ called up to the show to start Saturday against them Cleveland Injuns. I knew that little bald-headed fuck Jocketty could only hold me down for so long. Even his cock gets hard when he thinks about the Homer Bailey Express.

And I’m not done. I’m gonna collect me 15 redskin scalps on Saturday. I’ve got something for that little fucker Grady Sizemore. The new hotness in town wears #34, and he intends to wet every set of panties in the seats on Saturday evening.

Now I’d rather be skinnin’ me some ‘coon on the banks of a shallow red Texas river, but if I’ve gotta be in bum-fucking Egypt Cincitucky I might as well take down some Injuns with me. And their daughters.

If that fat old fuck Dick Pole says one word to me about my delivery, I swear on my momma’s skirt I’m gonna kick his balls up through his throat. I’m here to pile up K’s, fuck, and drop. And they better have the Southern Comfort on ice when I arrive.

If there’s one thing I know I can bring to this year’s version of the Reds, it’s a guy who knows how to fuck. And fuck I will. You haven’t seen the type of smoke I’m about to bring. The good Lord blessed me with a fuckin’ flamethrower attached to the right of my torso and I’m about to use it. I’m gonna ejaculate in the cab of Dusty’s truck if he has one.

It’s gonna be a fun summer for everyone. But no matter how good yours is, just know you won’t be getting the kind of pussy that I will pull. Now get to shinin’ that nameplate, bellhop.