Send me to Louisville!?! Someone’s daughter is getting F–ked

You think you can promise me a spot and then send me down to AAA ball to play with the rest of the league’s cum rags? I out-pitched all your clusterfuck saps that you call my teammates this spring and this is how you reward the Homer Bailey Express?

You wanna send me to that suburb of Bumfuck Egypt and tell me to work on my curve and change? Well I got news for you: there’s only one thing I’m workin’ on while I’m down there and that’s some co-ed tail.

I got me a new pitch in my repetoire now, and I like to call it the ‘pussy wetter’. You heard me. While my fastball makes a cowgirl melt faster’n butter on a skillet, this new sumbitch will make every girl in Louisville need to double taper in between those legs every time they see me throw.

It’s a knuckleball-fastball-slider combination pitch. And it’s taking me straight to the Major Leagues. When I get back there I’m going to buckle some knees (and vaginal regions) with my sheer stuff. In the meantime, you see this seniorita on my arm? Well I’m gonna partake in about four of these sweet little southern belles in the back of my pickup truck every night.

Jocketty, if I’m not called up to Cincinnati within a month I’m gonna skull fuck your bald little head while Dick Pole watches.

WooooHoooo! The Homer Bailey Express is leaving the station!