We challenge you to find something about Joe McEwing that isn't Hideous

Everything about Joe McEwing is entirely hideous. His number (#47, fag). His stance. The fact he never really had a position. McEwing was beyond hideous. He’s abhorrent. We’re told one of the most hideous things about McEwing was his warmpup routine before entering the batter’s box. This we actually remember–when he was a St. Louis Cardinal he got some time against the Redlegs in Cincinnati. Seeing him go through his charade in the on deck circle made us think ‘a little bit much for a guy who is in the pros’.

The pinnacle for McEwing was 1999, and it all went downhill fast from there. That was the year that Tony LaRusa saw McEwing as a real weapon of sorts. But Jose Oquendo he was not. McEwing would never again see 300 at bats in a season, filling in as a part time starter and annoyance from there on out. His last season of any substantial playing time was in baseball purgatory, Kansas City. He also had a cup of coffee to call it a career on, meaning he went 0 for 6 with 2 punch outs in 2006 for the Astros. Then they’d seen enough.

His stats are incredibly ordinary in every way. He did not offer any of the 5 tools that you look for in a ballplayer. His best attribute was that he could show up and field the baseball at a high clip (.980 overall fielding %) but he had a pee-shooter for an arm. He had a Cindy Crawford mole.

McEwing was teammates with guys such as Delino Deshields, Lance Berkman, Benny Agbayani, and Mark Mcgwire. Mcgwire probably took shits bigger then McEwing’s entire existence.

*Props to Tommy B. for the nomination.

Joe McEwing’s career stats. [Baseball Reference]