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You F–k people out of their money and get away with it

August 31, 2008 by Leave a Comment

It’s safe to bet against the Reds today and take the Giants on a two team parlay, with the other game holding up and being the White Sox over the Red Sox at Fenway. Yeah, it is. The Reds won’t win a third straight game needed for a sweep, no way. The hot run that Arroyo has been on won’t continue. Plus it seems that they never win on sundays, when they wear those God-awful red jerseys. Yeah, this is easy money. The Giants are bound to win one.

Sons of bitches. Can’t even lose when your supposed to.

Filed Under: Casino Quote, Cincinnati Reds, gambling, San Francisco Giants, sweeps

Goodbye to COOP!

August 31, 2008 by Leave a Comment

As we speak, the last saturday night ballgame ever played in Cooper Stadium in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio is being played. This is a part of my childhood and a mecca for the sport of baseball for anyone who has lived in Ohio. It also served as the AAA home of the Columbus Clippers since 1977, the minor league franchise of the Yankees up until this year.

As a high schooler I had the opportunity to actually play a double-header here. I actually got a couple knocks too. I remember it was the first time I’d played on astroturf. I wore my Nike Air Max’s those 2 games instead of my cleats. The ball needed played well in the outfield or it would roll all the way to the wall.

Many a night, my drunken older brother and I would go to the Clippers games and he’d drink until he began to yell at 34 year olds that would never cut it in the Major Leagues, and I’d laugh until I almost puked in the parking lot. I also had dates here, saw my high school play for the state title and had many a night with friends.

Goodbye Coop. You will be missed.

Filed Under: I think dollar dog night originated here, Minor leagues, My Playin' days

Rubbin’ elbows with the next 40/40 man?

August 22, 2008 by Leave a Comment

This is our cousin. Ever since he was very little, he’s been hanging out with professional athletes. He’s afforded the luxury that we could only dream about. You might remember when he sat on King Felix’s lap. Here he is after last sunday’s Indians game with the next possible 40/40 man, Grady Sizemore.

That certainly isn’t what we’d call a 40/40 man shirt. We also would like it if our family member bent the bill of his cap, or at least wore it backwards. But he hung with Grady Sizemore, not us. What do we know.

Filed Under: Sizemore

Just ride it out

August 22, 2008 by Leave a Comment
[Box Score]

We love the Reds to death, we really do. They’re just not making this easy on us at all. The past 2 weeks since the Dunn trade really couldn’t have been a more bland couple of weeks. The entire lineup has seemed to stop caring about hitting and the pitching hasn’t been all that great. Jay Bruce has been in a tailspin.
Today, the pitching at Wrigley wasn’t all that bad. The offense just couldn’t muster any offense. Carlos Zambrano beat the Reds for what seems like the 18th time this year. He’s only 13-5 this season so we know we’re wrong. Jay Bruce broke up the shutout by homering to right field off Zambrano, his 13th of the season. Joey Votto added a homer and a couple hits, but there was nothing else to speak of.
All that being said, these Reds have made it very easy to look forward to football season and to declare baseball season over. It’s sad to say, but for our favorite team they’re dead. Completely dead. They might as well be playing independent league teams because they’re not going to beat Major League teams on 4 out of 5 nights. Sad state of affairs right now in the Queen city. It was supposed to be so much different.
Filed Under: brutal fuckin' teams, Carlos Zambrano, Chicago Cubs, Cincinnati Reds, Jay Bruce, You really could give a shit

Let us not forget the man who plays center field in Cleveland

August 22, 2008 by Leave a Comment

This time last year there was a lot more love on this site for the Cleveland Indians. They were in the midst of a dream season, and honestly they could be at that point this time next season. However, there’s been one constant since the start of this blog with the Cleveland Indians. Grady Sizemore can flat out play. He’s 26 years old and having arguably his best season, on a very poor team.

Today was the finest day of his career. Sizemore went 4 for 5 with 7 RBI against the Kansas City Royals this afternoon at Jacobs Field Progressive Field in the Indians 10-4 win. Sizemore’s day included a 3-run homer, a 3-run triple, and two doubles.

Cliff Lee improved to 18-2 on the season. How’s your Cy Young, Cliff? We also have to revisit, how did this Sizemore for Upton swap work out? Uh, God.

Filed Under: Cleveland Indians, Cliff Lee, Kansas City Royals, Sizemore

Our Newest Facebook Friend

August 18, 2008 by Leave a Comment

And the new Godfather of Diamond Hoggers. You da man, Jay

Filed Under: 'The Deal'

Reds save themselves from a Cardinal sweep

August 18, 2008 by Leave a Comment
The Reds followed the signing of first round pick Yonder Alonso last night around midnight with a nicely played ballgame over a quality opponent. Edison Volquez threw seven shutout innings striking out 4 to win his 15th ballgame of the season. The win snapped an 8 game home losing streak and was the first win at Great American Ball Park history without Adam Dunn being a member of the Cincinnati Reds.
The 7-3 victory was highlighted by multi-hit games from Jay Bruce, Chris Dickerson, Brandon Phillips, and Edwin Encarnacion. The big blow was a three run homer from Phillips bat in the bottom of the 7th inning.

A nice quality win and a good follow up to Gigantosaur Pujols going nuts last night and homering the Cardinals to a schlacking that might just spell the end of Aaron Harang.

Filed Under: Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds, Edison Volquez, Jay Bruce, St. Louis Cardinals, Yonder Alonso

I remember when the world was ours, kid.

August 16, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Shades of Willie Mays in a Mets uniform. It just doesn’t seem right. Look what they’ve done with you. You’re wearing #32 on your back. You’re playing right field. You’re hitting clean-up, where you’re so uncomfortable.

Things were better when we were together. We would go for long walks on the streets of Newport, Kentucky. You told me you loved me that day, under the sun. And I loved you. We’d make dinner and laugh. Now look at you. Just look at you. You’ve probably already moved on.

Filed Under: Arizona DiamondBacks, Dunner, it never should have went down that way

Ask Jimmy Leyland!

August 15, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Inspired by Jim Leyland’s interview with Chris Myers a while ago, we’ve decided to open up a new segment here at Diamond Hoggers featuring our Marlboro Red Manager of the Year. He is here to offer readers his wisdom on life, and all things pertaining to. Behold the marvel that is Ask Jim Leyland:

Hi, Jim. About two years ago my husband was laid off from his job. After that due to stress he became a victim of insomnia. This led to him falling asleep during the day when he was doing anything at all. He could not find work with the job market being what it is today, so he started working landscaping and outdoor labor with a family friend at his age of 45. One day, he fell and hit his head on some cobblestone. Now he has short and long term memory loss and is left disabled by the accident. We have two small children, and now I must care for them both and somehow find a way to financially rescue our family. What should I do?

-Scared in Sacremento

Jim Leyland: (puts cigarette in mouth) Scared in Sacremento; your husband should have worked harder at his original job.

Hi Jim! Our eight year old son absolutely worships the ground you walk on. He wears his Tigers hat everywhere he goes, sometimes even sleeping in it. He is rewarded for doing his schoolwork by being allowed to watch the Tigers game, and he gets excited every time the camera sees you in the dugout. You’re his whole world. Recently, he wore his tigers pajamas to school under his clothes without us knowing, and when he wore them for the rest of the day the kids made fun of him to the point of him crying and leaving school and not wanting to go back. He’s skipped school several times since then and is now expelled. Jim we’re running out of answers for son and we’re desperate for help. Please help our boy.

-Desperate in Dallas

Jim Leyland: That was stupid for your son to wear pajamas to school.

Dear Jim, My husband and I have been happily married for about 8 years. We have had what I thought to be an amazing sex life. About a year ago I stumbled upon this hidden folder on my husband’s computer featuring pictures of women giving oral sex to horses. This discovery really has me creeped out and I find it hard to ever be intimate with him due to the fact that this disgusting act turns him on. It’s ruining my life Jim! Save my marriage, please!

-Stunned in Spokane

Jim Leyland: (inhales cigarette) You know stunned, horses are beautiful animals.

Hello Jim. About a year ago I lost my mom to cancer. Months after that my father was thrown in jail for not paying his taxes. My siblings are both real black sheep and I have no other close family. My close friends are at a point in their life where I feel like everything is coming together for them, yet I can’t help just to tread water. I feel like the grass is growing higher than I can mow it in life, Jim. I can’t go on much longer. Yesterday my dog ran in front of a mini-van and was struck and killed. I’m going to tie a heavy object to my ankle and throw it in my pool if you can’t help me, Jim. Please.

-I’m finished with life!

Jim Leyland: (sighs) I’ll HUFF! (inhales cigarette) And I’ll PUFF! (exhales cigarette) and I don’t give a fuck.

Filed Under: Ask Jim Leyland, Chain-Smoking Managers, Detroit Tigers

Adam Dunn Monster Home Runs

August 13, 2008 by Leave a Comment


Adam Dunn Monster Home Runs Part 1 by jumsox

That’s a lot of cum shot in the right field bleachers at Great American.

Filed Under: Dunner, everyone digs the long ball

Diamond Hoggers Hall of Fame: Inaugural Inductee Adam Dunn

August 11, 2008 by Leave a Comment


Presenting the inaugural member of the Diamond Hoggers Hall of Fame: Adam Dunn

Tonight is a very sad and solemn night here at Diamond Hoggers headquarters. We’ve been waiting to unveil this Hall of Fame for quite some time. Now we finally have a reason. Anyone who has ever had anything to do with the game of baseball can be inducted, with their symbol to forever hang in the rafters of the archives here.

It is a very immense honor to be selected. Tonight we name Diamond Hoggers’ first inductee into the Hall of Fame, Adam Dunn.

Adam during his time for the Reds, stood for everything that this site revolves around. If it weren’t for Adam Dunn, there would never have been a Diamond Hoggers. And where do we even begin when discussing his reasons for induction into this exclusive club? He’s the favorite player all-time of the creator of this blog, the Mickey Mantle of our lifetime.

Don’t forget that he tore a ligament in his thumb during a game against the Astros in 2003 and then later in that same game belted a walk off homerun against Brad Lidge. And then in 2006 he played half the season with a broken wrist and yet never told anyone about it. In 2007 he played through a bum knee before finally undergoing surgery with a week left in the season. He is the definition of durable.

With the trade of Dunn today, Dunner finishes his Reds career with a .247/.380/.520 – .900 OPS line. The .900 OPS is the second best in Reds history and his 270 homeruns are the fourth most in Reds history. He’s also sixth in walks with 755. Dunner had a great career and finishes as one of the best offensive players in the long history of the Cincinnati Reds. Thanks a lot for all the great memories Dunn! You have been my favorite Red since the day the Reds called you up on July 20th, 2001. You represented the Reds well on and off the field. Good luck in Arizona!

From his video game style home runs to his dippin and night on the town ways, Adam Dunn is our type of ballplayer. We want to salute Adam and congratulate him for his induction into Diamond Hoggers Hall of Fame.

Filed Under: Diamond Hoggers Hall of Fame, Dunner

The Complete End of an Era

August 11, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Today is a dark day in my life as a fan of not only the Cincinnati Reds, but sports in general. Adam Dunn has been traded to the Arizona DiamondBacks for 3 minor leagues prospects, and I am heartbroken.

Nothing is sacred anymore. If a player like Dunn can’t last in Cincinnati, no one will ever stick anywhere long-term. It’s like discovering that Santa Clause isn’t real. All these years, all these games, all those at bats. All the time invested and the road trips to see #44 play, and it was all for nothing.
It’s funny because I had a premonition about this moment just about an hour ago. I logged onto the blog and saw that I was sitting on 999 posts for Diamond Hoggers. I was going to wait for a while for something epic to be the 1000th post. I thought at that moment, something about a Dunn trade…… that would certainly fit the bill. Just a while later I was watching Sportscenter and the breaking news report came on. It almost seemed surreal. It seemed like it couldn’t be. I couldn’t actually be seeing what I am seeing could I? That’s not Adam Dunn swinging there on screen with them discussing a trade is it? The horrifying reality was what it was. My hero, and the Godfather of Diamond Hoggers was gone forever.
My initial reaction is anger, extreme anger. I’ll never forgive Walt Jocketty for this, or anyone who was behind the orchestration of this. Bob Castellini who owns the Reds has said all along how much he likes Dunn and how Dunn should be made a guy who the organization builds around. He is homegrown from the Reds farm system, and he would easily go on to become the Reds all-time leader in home runs. Castellini fed us that song and dance of lies all season long. As the calls filed in from my long time friends who knew my pain on this day, we talked about the future without Dunn. We talked about how Jay Bruce does lighten the blow somewhat. Maybe Bruce can become a complete player who can do things Dunn was never able to here, escaping criticism from some who think Dunn should have done more for the money he was making.
Adam Dunn will probably remain my favorite athlete of all time. I grew up with Dunn. I spent two summers in Cincinnati going to games to see a horrible team just because big #44 was suiting up every day and playing. He hit 270 home runs with a Reds uniform on. He is the all-time leader as a left-handed hitter in Reds home runs. No player in all the years that I’ve been going to ballgames has hit more home runs with me in the ballpark live.
So what is there left to say? The Cincinnati Reds have once again made a horrible mistake. Countless times during my time as a fan they’ve bobbled a decision or deal and have made an easy call into a bad decision. In the past year they’ve allowed Josh Hamilton to leave and now Adam Dunn. I feel that if you’re committed to winning and being a quality product organization, you have to keep at least one of these players. I no longer believe in the Cincinnati Reds competence. They are lost as a franchise. They’re lost in the front office. I don’t know if I will ever fully recover my faith in the Reds being a winner, which is what it’s all about as a fan.
I thought we were out of the woods. But deep down inside, I knew this day was coming for a long time. It may have gone unwritten, but I knew. I think Adam knew too that an end was coming. Now we’re left with just our memories of the past that will soon erode and fade. We’re left numb and without answers; facing a dark future. Now wasn’t the time. This was a terrible mistake.
Adam I doubt you’ll ever see this. But your greatest fan thanks you for your time and unsung contributions to the Cincinnati Reds. Thanks for everything, the memories, the effort, and all those breathtaking moonshots I saw you hit. Thanks for the greatest period of my being a baseball fan in my 25 years. You were always the crown gem when going to see the Reds play. You’re a class act bro, and we’ll always smile when we see you launch one in another major league city. We’ll be here to write about it when you hit your 500th and your 600th home runs. We hope you come back and shove it up the Reds ass just like we know you will.
Filed Under: Cincinnati Reds, Dunner, Heartbreak, it never should have went down that way, Trades

Reds Swept, Blown Out; Hitting Streak Over! Season over.

August 10, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Jay Bruce’s hitting streak is over at 13 games. The Reds were beaten today 13-4, thus completing a four game sweep of the Houston Astros. As far as I’m concerned, for now; baseball season is dead.

NFL Football Sundays can’t get here soon enough for me.

Filed Under: brutal fuckin' teams, Cincinnati Reds, it never should have went down that way

David Ross' Cincinnati Tittie-Starin' days are over!

August 10, 2008 by Leave a Comment

Another tumor has been extracted. While Ken Griffey Jr. was the largest on this team, David Ross was our least favorite. Today, the Reds took a giant stride forward by releasing the 30 year old catcher.

In 134 at-bats this season, Ross was hitting .231 with 3 home runs and 13 RBI.
Ross was a hound dog of sorts. His story is well documented in the very archives of Diamond Hoggers. Overall we don’t have a lot of sympathy for the guy. He won’t be missed.
He never seemed to repent for his guilt. He continued his hound doggin’ ways. We don’t need that kind of shit on the Cincinnati Reds, they’re brutal enough without guys intentionally being brutal.
So Dave, it’s been fun. You’ll need to latch on in another big league city where you can have extra-marital affairs and bat in the low .200′s (out of order) with some power.
Filed Under: Catchers who like titties, Cincinnati Reds, Firings
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