What the hell you keep squintin’ for? I said WHAT THE HELL YOU SQUINTIN’ FOR? BITCH! I’m right here? Am I transparent or something’? Man fuck this.
I’m Baseball Tonight’s newest show host, it’s me, ‘E-Y’; Eric Young!
I tell you what. You know who’s game I’m likin’ this year bro? My man. Chone Figgins. That boy can ball, and he reminds me of me, ‘E-Y’. Don’t put on them shades just yet bro. You haven’t played a long career yet that stretched through the boroughs of San Diego, Colorado, Texas, and every afterthought team in between! You ain’t ‘E-Y’ kid, but you damn close.
What do you mean where is that voice comin’ from? Right fuckin’ here! I’m here! IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE! I tell you what, I’m yellin’ now. I better stop. I’m supposed to be the man to replace Harold Reynolds, not follow him through the door. But seriously man, this ain’t Honey I Shrunk the Brother!
I tell you what man. I like the way that the Cardinals are playing this year. You know who I miss, the man right here to my right. A player from my own mold, Fernando Vina. Fernando why don’t you….. Fernando!?!? Bro, shut the fuck up, I’m talking here!
[Vina continues talking about drag bunts]
Man, what is going on here. It’s like I’m not even noticed or something. I got an idea.
I tell you what. I’m gonna go sit on John Berthume’s lap and try and smell the side of his ear. I’ll show these showbiz pricks how ‘E-Y’ does it.
[Jumps into Berthume’s lap]
I tell you what. Hey BERTHUME! We’re on the set here bro! It’s my segment. Let me talk. What do you mean you hear something? You’re lucky we’re on a commercial break, cause if you say that shit about me on-air, I’m gonna wup that Princeton ass. What do you mean where’s ‘E-Y’?
I tell you what. Fuck this. I’m going to get an extra large slurpee.