Opening Day: Tokyo Sunrise Version (Liveblog)

Pregame: I’m up after a couple hour nap. There’s those little goobers Eric Karabell and that even more gooberiffic Brandon Funston. They’re talking to Ravvy on Baseball Tonight, and much to my dismay, NO STEVE PHILLIPS! I’m going to Starbucks do you want anything?

Top 1st: They’re taking the field. Back from Starbucks. There’s Steve Phillips, I am glad they’re using him for the on-air talent. He deserves it. Joe Blanton on the mound ‘today’. I’ll tell you I was thinking about it on my way back from Starbucks, and I wouldn’t trust a guy who looked like Eric Karabell to pick out my pair of socks in the morning, let alone my fantasy team. They’re laying out the ground rules. It’s just 328 down the lines in the Tokyo Dome (pictured). Hannahan playing 3rd base, not Chavez. They’re ready. Blanton pitches a strike on the inside cornder to Pedroia and we’re underway in the season. Pedroia singles up the middle off Crosby’s glove. Here’s Kevin Youkilis; now 29 and from the ‘Natti. I know his father indirectly. Youk hit that ball to Hannahan at 3rd, should have been a double play but it was bobbled and only 1 down with Pedroia going to 2nd. Ortiz is up and he seems to be the whole f’ing show. First pitch Papi hits a fly ball off nearly the ceiling and that Hannahan character records the putout. ManRam up now. We’re told he’s 8 for 12 lifetime off the pudgy Blanton. Dice-K is warming in the dugout with his Donald Trump-like hair. Ramirez flies out to right field and the people of Tokyo get their Dice-K. 1 H 0 R 0 E, we’ve got 1/2 inning in the books on this one.

Bottom 1st: First pitch to Travis Buck and there’s some efficiency. Ground out to second base. One down. Mark Ellis has hit the 1st home run of the season, it was a bomb to left center. He did what people do off Dice-K do, hit cock shots off Matsuzaka out of the park. This one was right down the middle. It’s 1-0 A’s. Daisuke walks the Oakland batter and Jack Cust is up. Matsuzaka has started with 7 balls, 3 strikes. This is what they been ripping the guy for, fucking around with too many hitters with bullshit in the dirt and what not. Dice K follows up a nice change-up by hitting Cust. 2 on 1 out. That one wasn’t even close. Long time Royals henchman Emil Brown takes his first offering in the dirt. If you’re not gonna play them I’m gettin’ the fuck outta here /Bob Knight Halftime speech.

Matsuzaka wild pitch to the backscreen. Runners advance to second and third. Matsuzaka walked him and they’re loaded. I literally just typed on accident ‘Matsuckzacka’ or something to that effect, but spelling smack is way weak dude. Here’s Bobby Crosby. Still wears his socks high just like mommy likes it. Wow, Dice K just threw a 2-strike pitch right down the middle and it was called a ball. It was every bit there I thought. Crosby bounces out to the nimble Dice-K and another run scores. How clear is it that Dice-K doesn’t have ‘ace’ stuff? He’s really laboring through this inning and these aren’t the 1927 Yankees. Finally a strikeout. The inning is over with it A’s 2, BoSox zerrrro.

Top 2nd: Here’s Mike Lowell and he picks up where he left off in the postseason, single. Our friend Steve Phillips points out that Blanton being around the plate makes it fun to hit. Here’s Brandon Moss. Who? Spot starter for JD Drew. Drew’s got a tight back, as he’s had for 8 years. Tokyo chop up the middle and they get the lead runner 1 down. I kid you not, they showed Tito Francona in the dugout and the sunmabitch is chewing already. He made it an inning and half into the season and he’s already lost the bet. Well, it’s Dice K’s fault with that bad pitching so maybe they cut out his cheek. Double play ball, inning over.

Bottom 2nd: Base hit for the native Kurt Suzuki to lead off the inning. They’re showing clips of Matsuzaka when he used to be good. Sweeney just hit one that was just missed. Out in right field for the first out. The surfer Travis Buck is up, he looks like he could be interesting. Buck strikes out but that took some effort on the part of Dice-K. Jeeze. Laboring through everything. Stolen base for the A’s. Here’s Mark Ellis again. There’s a lot of foul territory in this Tokyo Dome folks. I’d be a lot more interested in this game if Beckett (my fantasy teamer) was throwing this game and not Dice-K rocking me to sleep. I’m getting tired and I need a Tokyo breakfast. I had a friend who used to ask people if they needed a Tokyo breakfast, he was a real goof ball. He said it was waking the person up by dropping your balls on their nose in the morning and saying ‘tic-tac-toe’. Weird I know. Matsuzaka walks another hitter. Kill this guy. I’m so tired. He walked Barton and the natives are getting restless with their hero. I think this is Dice-K’s future. Cust got punched with the bases loaded so he (Dice-K) survives but does it ugly as usual. Rob Dibble is gonna rip this guy.

Alright so I obviously passed out and the Red Sox came back to win in amazing fashion in 10 innings as Manny Ramirez drove in 4 runs and a no-name rookie would get the biggest hit of his life in the form of a 2-run homer to tie the game. Apologies, really.