George Mitchell's Probe

You better get familar with this. If you’ve done steroids in the past 10, 20, or even 30 years, you’re going to have this stuck right up your testosterone-fueled ass. You thought he was just here to play golf, have some laughs, and put off moving into the old folks home. You were wrong. He’s here to get the steroids out of baseball. We think. At first you heard he was coming straight from congress like a bat out of hell. Then he couldn’t nail down Barry Bonds, but he was hot on his fucking trail.

Now it seems as all we hear about is George Mitchell; and his probe.

“The Mitchell Probe this,” and the “The Mitchell Probe that,”. Shut the fuck up already. We get the point.

Shouldn’t his last name be Goldfest or Mitchellstein?

All this damn talk about a “probe”. I hear all this talk and I don’t see shit for results. I mean really, he’s been probing around for what, almost a good year now and what does he have to show for it? Bonds is still chasing the homerun record, Giambi is still sweating on fields in MLB, and Gary Sheffield still has a means and a microphone to make comments that don’t make much sense.

I get the same feeling when I think about George Mitchell’s probe as I did when O.J. Simpson used to tell us he was out searching for ‘the real killer’. The thing was, we all know Juice was talking about the brand of golf balls he was using and since he was hitting the links every day, he wasn’t actually telling a lie; he was hard at work in his search.

So you’re George Mitchell. You’ve got Giambi sitting in front of you so you can continue your probing. He is sweating, as per usual, but more than the normal amount. You have got your probe to poke and prod at whoever you want.

Who do you go after? Who can Mitchell not fail to nail? You tell us in the comments. Who’s steroid dirty?