"Roger Clemens pooped in Trenton last night; in minor news President Reagan was assasinated…."

Ok so last night I am watching Baseball Tonight, and with a full slate of games going on; it’s bad enough that we get the usual lead off of the Yankees and Red Sox. I figure that was to be expected, so after the extra long Yankees and Red Sox highlight in which we get to see each and every dramatic and climatic moment in which the ESPN Big Market Homers deem necessary, it’s finally time to get on with life as one-third of the program is now gone because we got to see Dough Mienkiewicz tie his shoes and Steve Phillips has to analyze it.

Then we get the bombshell news of the night. I mean; in case you didn’t have the 3 hours in the middle of your day to like; skip out on how you make money and watch Double-A baseball; have no fear. Baseball Tonight is about to give you every little bit and piece you wanted and then some about Roger Clemens.

I don’t know if it is because he’s going to pitch for the Yanks; or because he’s “Rajah Clemens-the greatest pitcha who eva fhackin’ pitched in Beantown”. It’s probably a little bit of both. When discussing the Yankees this season; whom of which I believe still have a large successful run left in them; they’re just another team for Christ sakes. Sure they’re the Yanks but how much can you ram them down our throat? They aren’t all that interesting. Believe me. They’re an older, uninteresting, slow, tired team of vets that have put together a team of late 90’s All-Stars. Why not add Clemens right?

Back to my topic, Baseball Tonight is going to grade Clemens’ start for us now folks. They’re going to break it down in several areas for us, and just so it’s as accurate as possible; they’ve even nicely weighted the grades for us at home! Aw, isn’t that cute, ESPN’s really gone the extra mile to put their dick in the Yankees mouth once again and leave me wondering what the scores of the Indians and Tigers games was.