DH Steroid Witchhunt: "The Rocket" Roger Clemens

In sports there is not enough sure bets to go around. This however, is an easy enough sure bet for you to throw the farm, car, and anything else you own into the kitty for. Today we accuse debate whether or not Roger Clemens and his new $28 million dollar, 1 year contract are steroid-aided.

Some seem to think it’s absurd to think that the Rocket would need any extra help. They remember that Reebok cross-trainer commercial where Clemens was seen strengthening his throwing arm simply by jamming his right hand into a barrel of rice and squeezing.

Maybe he does that, but it’s likely he’s been jamming things into that right arm of his instead, or his right ass-cheek. Sure, old men gain weight with age; and Roger is 45 years old now, but look at any picture of him with the Red Sox and you will see a wirey shell of his current self.

Clemens has won 20 games six times; and has done it in three different decades (80s, 90s, and 2001). If you can find me another pitcher that has done that, list it in the comments section. I challenge you to it, because not even Cy Young did that, and if you’re thinking Nolan Ryan, you’re way wrong again. His longevity has been un-human like.

Clemens is also a bit of a hot head. We don’t have to mention the incident with him going “batty” (literally) on Mike Piazza in that game back in 2000 when he ‘thought’ the baseball bat’s barrel was the baseball. I’m so sure, Rog. Could it have been that you were at your emotional peak and your mind had been taken control of by ‘roids? Absolutely.

Here’s some more food for thought and theorization: June 1st will be the New York Yankees 51st game of the season. The new suspension for 1st time steroid offenders (unclear if this is first time under new policy or if previous suspensions are factored in) is 50 games.

Once again, that’s just one theory and school of thought, but it’s the one that I subscribe to. If you’re wondering what ESPN’s Steroid Specialist Outside the Lines host Bob Ley thinks about it, well we found that out for you:

So there you have it. Hard evidence that suggests it? There isn’t much, but then again, we all know that nothing short of The Rocket admitting to it would be considered hard evidence after the bullshit we’ve seen with George Mitchell probing Bonds who is a known ‘roider.

And now for the verdict from the Judge:

Steroid User Rating/Probability: 98.9% Roider
Status: Very Guilty. “Gimme that shit that killed that Rodeo Bull”