Why I'd like to kick Ozzie Guillen in the dick


Hey, asshole. Yeah you. What the fuck do you keep looking at him for? I’m here to tell you why I’d like to kick Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, right in the dick.

Usually when someone has incoceivable arrogance, ya know there’s usually a reason for it. Not in this case. After taking a quick look at Ozzie’s career stats, I’m still sitting here wondering why he’s so fucking cocky.

Let’s re-hash a few things about Mr. Guillen, aka cocksucker. He never hit above .288, and only hit as high as .280 twice. He never hit more than 4 homers in a season. He never drove in 60 runs in a season, which is nothing. He never had 30 doubles, or 160 hits in a season. His career OBP was .287, which is in a word, shitty. He never played for a World Series winning team, and only appeared in one as a player, with the Yankees in ’99 in which he did nothing (going 0 for 5 in 3 games). Then I say to myself, well maybe he was your token “slick fielding” shortstop. Not so much. “The Wizard who wasn’t Oz” only won one Gold Glove over the course of his 16 year career and that was because the voters know it’s a joke award, and they felt sorry for him because he looks oriental.

So where does he get off with such antics as calling writer Jay Mariotti a fag, making the choke gestures to the Cleveland fans, and just being an asshole in general? Let me have 2 minutes in the seats behind Ozzie Guillen. I’d have him ready to pull a Frank Francisco chair-bomb on my ass in a heartbeat. I’d fill his ear with the fact that he talks like Tarzan but hits like fucking Jane. It’s funny. You know I don’t remember him talking so much shit as a player. Maybe that’s because he knew he sucked ass and for some reason now, he thinks he is actually a good manager. Well he’s not. Oh and Ozzie, why would you call anyone a faggot? I remember back when you played you wore little pins of the Venezuala flag on your hat, and other gay decorations. Now that’s queerer than a football-bat.

Wanna know what else is queer? Kissing your players. Yeah, I don’t care if it’s because you won the World Series. I don’t give a shit if you’ve found the cure for cancer. There is no reason to kiss a ballplayer, ever, unless you’re a groupie and that sparks a whole other debate. If I was Jay Mariotti I would have used your fag comment to breakdown your career numbers and light a fire under your ordinary-ass that wouldn’t be put out anytime soon, bitch.

Lets see here. Oh yeah, I remember when you dedicated your World Series one hit wonder to the country and people of your native Venezuala. Hey, asswipe, did you know we’re in America? Home of the red-white-and blue bitch. Our fine president, George W. Bush, takes shits bigger than Venezuala. Name one thing worthwhile to come out of Venezuala, and it’s a trick question, you can’t say yourself you self-loathing piece of shit.

I hope your White Sox go 0-162 this season, because every time they win, God kills 1 kitten. You make Barry Bonds look the role of Pope John Paul III, that’s how terrible you are. You’re a bad, bad person. I hope in old age that a vicious Urinary Tract Infection finds you, and rots off your small, Venezualen cock.

Thanks for listening to why I don’t like Ozzie Guillen. Now, here’s a video of how I’d treat Ozzie Guillen if we were face to face:

  • Fuck you.

  • Whats wrong Brian? Are you a ChiSox fan?

  • No, I’m a fan of logic and reason. You ignore the fact the Guillen is a good manager and focus on blind homophobia and inexplicable jingoism. “Our great President Bush”? You may as well say the “great offensive force” Brad Ausmus. This is the blog that is so much better than KSK?Awesome.

  • You’re a little 19 year old wise ass, that talks shit over a computer. Fuck you, homo’s are fucking terrible. Add to the fact you’re a liberal and why am I not surprised that you like fags? If you don’t like the country, leave it bitch, same goes for our blog. KSK is pretty cool, if you’re in 7th grade. I never said we were better than KSK, we’re a baseball blog. Get lost bitch. Go design a computer game at U of Alabama (which is a very average academic school). You came here to stir up trouble. I been to your blog and it’s about as interesting as a shit flavored popsicle. In short, fuck off and come back when you have some pubes in your pants, ass.

  • Guillen is a good manager and focus on blind homophobia and inexplicable jingoismSay, you fucking nimrod. Your boy Guillen, who’s an ‘ok’ manager, just like Alabama is an ‘ok’ school, he exhibited some homophobe behavior as well, didn’t he? The great thing about web sites, is if you don’t like them, you don’t have to visit. I’m sure you know this because you’re into technology and electronics. I also have a feeling you’ve never been with a woman. It’s time sonny, it’s time.