The Dynamic Fantasy War Room

Most of us baseball enthusiasts are gearing up for the season, but most importantly for our fantasy baseball drafts. This can be a very nerve racking time because no matter how much you prepare for the draft after the first round you could end up like Saddam in a dark hole pissing yourself. Today I had 1 of 2 drafts of the year and it went pretty well but, I found the people that you meet in the live drafts to be very interesting. You can characterizes these people by how long it takes them to pick, who they pick, what they chat about, and how long early they have been sitting there waiting for the draft to begin.

It seems like at every draft there is always one guy who gets there about 2 hours before the draft. He has edited his pre-ranked list about ten times, completed about fifty mock drafts during work and twice as much on the weekends. These are by far the most annoying fantasy players because they will offer you a shitty player and want gold in return. Then when you try making a trade with someone else they appeal every trade until its veto. If the appeal doesn’t work they will write a letter to the company and request that they reverse the trade because it unfair. Clint and I had a guy like this in our league last year. This douche bag makes about 50 transactions per day but only for the purpose of adding one guy into the line up. Yeah….weirdo, which is why he gets labeled The Fantasy Douche.

The next guy is the guy you love to have in the draft, he talks a little shit, thinks he knows all there is to know about baseball, and when the draft comes he takes all the players you don’t want, like the DL bound players. Its great to give this guy a pat on the back after each of his “genius” picks because in reality you are laughing your ass off. After you tell him what a great pick he had you might want steer him to another DL bound player who will be lucky to even step foot on the field in 2007. We call this guy the MVD, Most Valuable Drafter. Every league needs one.

The Social Fantasy Fag is the guy who talks during the whole draft about non-related baseball stuff. He takes the full minute and a half to pick and its not because he is worrying about which player to pick, but because he is chatting about the fucking weather in St. Louis or something else insignificantly arbitrary. These players should get the automatic boot and placed in a league where there is an automatic draft and on his profile, it should read Social Fantasy Fag, that way the commissioner can kick him out before the draft starts.

If you are a serious baseball fan and fantasy player then you hate to have the Bandwagon Drafter in your league. This guy doesn’t come into the draft with any pre-rankings, he uses the default list. Every time it is his turn to pick, he chooses the top player available on the list while taking at least a minute to choose to make it seem like he is actually thinking about it. These managers are not too knowledgeable and belong in a rookie league.
Another person who needs to be booted from a league is the guy who buy 10 teams and looks for weak leagues so he can boost his profile, we call him the Fanatsy Hawk. He plays the probabilities thinking that if a buy a lot of teams and play in shitty leagues I can win. Don’t be fooled by these profiles because I guarantee you that the majority of them that have trophies each year are posers. This type of guy needs to be taken out back and beaten with a rubber hose.

In order to have a successful draft it is essential to have everyone present on the day of the draft. When there is one person missing it fucks up everyone else’s timing and extends the draft 20 extra minutes. So fellas unless it is an emergency please make it to your live drafts or else most of the guys are going to be talking shit about you the rest of the season. Fantasy players beware and Good Luck!

  • So true. There seems to be one of these in every group. My favorite is the ass that is there just for the social aspect. Only there to give his thoughts in the chat room, barely being able to make his pick.