Never trust a fellow with beady eyes.
He did it. Or as he’d tell you, “he done it”. Today, finally after being ousted from baseball and being the best black sheep there ever was, Pete Rose admitted to not only betting on baseball, but bettin on his own team, the Cincinnati Reds, each and every Night.
“I bet on my team every night. I didn’t bet on my team four nights a week. I was wrong,” said Rose, who accepted a lifetime ban for gambling in 1989.
“I bet on my team to win every night because I love my team, I believe in my team,” he added. “I did everything in my power every night to win that game.”
Pete, you bet on your team because you had a fucking problem. It had nothing to do with love, unless you were talking about your relationship with a four team parlay. Believe me, I know the feeling. Besides single-handedly fucking Las Vegas out of ever getting a professional baseball franchise, you lied about it for 18 years. You lied when the truth was much easier. Selig was willing to serve your innocence up on a platter a few years ago if you would have just told the same story. What’d they do this time, twist your arm?
Oh Pete. Oh Petey, Oh Pete, (shakes head). When will you ever find exactly what it is you’re looking for? The entire world that followed this story since the Reagan administration (serious) knew you were full of shit. You always had that look on your face, as if your mother just asked you if you stuck your hand in the birthday cake, knowing damn well you did it–and there you were to tell her no with a straight face (eyes down of course), and blame your cousin. I bet when you were a kid you were the type to tell your friends you shot down an airplane with your BB gun, weren’t you. To me, you just always had that “I’m tellin’ a big fish story” look in your eye. Never once, was your material even convincing. If you and O.J. Simpson ran for office you’d fit right in, he’d be the VP though Pete.
When they casted the ESPN Movie, they told Tom Sizemore to go home until he could act more full of shit. His character, with all the props of Hollywood, couldn’t even come close to pulling off the loads of bullshit that you unloaded on all of us.
Do I think you should be in the Hall of Fame? Yes I do. That is because, I also share that same gambling problem with you. Guys like you and me, well, we can’t resist a roulette table betting $100 on red cause it’s been black 9 times in a row. It’s going to go fucking red! When it doesn’t your left explaining to your fiance what the $100 charge withdrawals were for 15 minutes apart on your bank statement. In your case, you bet Red too Petey. Cincinnati Red. I’m sorry Pete but what the fuck did you think was going to happen. You were as bad of a liar as you were at gambling.
Now go get your fuckin’ shinebox!