You’ll be back
Now normally, something of this stature wouldn’t be newsworthy, but we’re not all that interested in exhibition games unless it involves an injury to our fantasy players. The good news is, we don’t have any fantasy players yet. That said, the one thing we liked about the Boston Red Sox has gone away for now.
Terry Francona, Boston Red Sox manager, and fellow Hogger, is no longer a part of our fraternity. Francona is quitting chewing tobacco, something which saddens us all here at Diamond Hoggers. Some of you wonder why the blog is titled Diamond Hoggers? Well there’s a few reasons, actually. One is because we couldn’t think of anything better. Two, it represents two things very near and dear to our hearts that go hand in hand like Miller Lite and Marlboro Reds: Dip (Hoggers), and baseball.
Francona should be commended, because it’s for a good cause. If he can hold off, and beat his addicition, generous billionaire owner Larry Lucchino will donate $20,000 to an anti-cancer community. If Francona says “fuck it, just gimme a tin” at anytime during the season, Mr. Francona will donate the $20,000 from his own pocket. I have the odds on Francona lasting about 2 weeks, when things are going bad and Manny throws a ball into the stands thinking that the 2nd out of the inning was actually the 3rd out. Francona at that point will kick a few things in the dugout, say words that aren’t invented yet mixed with fuck and shit, and yep, you guessed it…throw in a chaw wad or fat hogger. I just know from experience. Nothing seemed to dull the pain of a strikeout or bad error in left field like a big old wad of Skoal Strizzle.
Terry, may the force be with you, we’re pulling for you (not really).